Things I Hate About Being Single

 

Do you ever listen to married people?  Most of them are always complaining about being married.   What they don’t realize is how lucky they really are.  Being single can be a real drag.  You may be thinking, what’s not to love about being single?  Well, here are some of the main things that I hate about being single.

Feeling left out. 

Sure, parties and family get-togethers can be great-if you have a date.  The problem for a single person attending these types of events is being forced to deal with feelings of being left out especially when most of the people at the party are couples. 

Holidays are depression

I used to love the holidays, but the older I became and remained single, they became somewhat depressing. Christmas and Thanksgiving can be especially lonely because a lot of emphasis is placed on families during this time of the year.  People without partners can begin to question their self-worth.  The worst holiday of all is Valentine’s Day.  Watching other people receive cards, flowers, and gifts can really be depressing.

Not living up to family expectations.

A lot of young people feel pressured to get married, and I am no exception. If you are a girl, it is expected of you to get married and raise a family.  When that does not happen right away, family members can begin to press the issue.  Being single when you don’t want to be is frustrating enough without the added pressure from family members. 

Pressure from a church or other religious affiliation 

Most religions emphasize the importance of getting married before engaging in sexual activity.  Single people who want to stay in good graces with their church and still be a part of the dating scene finds themselves in the midst of a spiritual dilemma.  They are forced to concentrate on being celibate and to locate a suitable partner all at the same time. 

Being single is a challenge.  Although many married people claim they would rather lose their shackles, they don’t realize the real perks of being married.  They don’t have to worry about feeling left out at parties, being lonely during the holidays, disappointing their parents, or trying to maintain celibacy while looking for a partner. 

How to cope with loneliness as a single person

Being single has its advantages. You are not committed to one particular person, and you can come and go as you please. You don’t have to worry about cooking or about having to make unwanted compromises. Sounds great, right? However, being single has some disadvantages.

One of the biggest disadvantages of being single is dealing with loneliness. Loneliness can be difficult to deal with, but not impossible. If you are single and lonely, then read on. The following tips will help you cope.

Tip #1: Get out and socialize

Although it has happened, the chances are slim that you will meet a companion while moping around your house. Get out and meet some people. Even if you don’t initially feel like it, getting out in the public will help decrease those feelings of loneliness.

Tip #2: Talk to friends

Pick up the phone and call your friends. Schedule some time with them. Talk to them about your feelings. Surround yourself with positive people.

Tip #3: Volunteer

Sure, it’s not exactly going on a date, but volunteering can be almost as rewarding. It will not only help your community, but it can help you to connect with others and make new social contacts. It will help you to put things into perspective, and to stop focusing on being single.  Volunteering will expose you to people who share some of the same interests as you. It can build your self-confidence and increase your life satisfaction. Volunteering will give you a chance to learn new skills or sharpen the old ones. 

Tip #4: Focus on your hobbies

Focus on your hobbies or discover new ones. Go back to school. Take classes that will help you further your career. While you are single is a good time to pursue your careers goals and other hobbies. Pack your calendar with exciting things to do. Just because you are single it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.

Tip #5: Exercise

The benefits of exercise cannot be overstated.  Not only does it help you get in shape and help to prevent illness like heart disease and diabetes, it can also help your mood. Exercise helps to release serotonin into your blood system. Serotonin is a mood altering chemical that can make the difference between feeling lonely and depressed or feeling happy and self-confident. Joining a gym or going jogging is also a smart way to meet other singles.

Stop focusing on the negative aspects of being single and begin find ways to beat loneliness.  Talk to a friend and find other activities that you enjoy.

Advice for Our Daughters

Growing up as a female can be hard. There are some things that women experience that men just don’t. We are the seed carriers of the world. We are the nurturers. And, too often we are the burden bearers. Our hormones kick in when we are about ten, and from that point on, we rage and we war with our emotions. Yes, some of us can talk to our mothers. Then, some of us can’t. I can remember growing up and being curious about boys, but also being too afraid to talk to my mother about this. I was afraid of what she would think. I was afraid of what my grandmother and aunt would think. I wanted to be a “good girl”.

My mother didn’t know to talk to me about sex. To be honest, I don’t think she knew how. She grew up in a time when this just wasn’t done. The majority of African American mother did not talk to their daughters about sex or the changes their body would experience. So, I hid my curiosity. But, by hiding my budding sexuality, I set myself on a destructive course that would take decades to undo. God has not given me a daughter, but here are some things that I would tell my daughter.

All Men are not the Same

No, child. All men are not the same. All men are not dogs. All men are not evil and just after one thing. There are some good men out there. There are some good black men in the world. And, no you don’t have to dress like a tramp to get one. You just have to be able to recognize a good man when you see one.

There is nothing “evil” or “bad” about sex

Sex is not “bad”. I was taught that only “bad girls” had sex, and only “nasty girls” liked sex. Come on, ladies. This is a sad misconception, and one that should have never been taught to our girls. Yes, it does date back centuries. However, it sends the wrong message about sex to our females. It makes them feel “bad” or “dirty” for enjoying something that God gave us-an act that God meant to be beautiful. No, I am not telling you to tell your daughters to go have sex with everybody. But, I am saying that they should be taught how to love and enjoy their husbands.

Value Yourself

This leads to my next point. I would tell my daughter to value herself. Young girls need to know that their body is a temple. It is not a playground. Any and everybody should not be able to come and trample around in it. There should not cast their pearls before swine. Yes, I did say that not all men are dogs. This is true. Yes, I did say that girls should be taught that sex is not “nasty”. However, that doesn’t mean that you give your cookies away to everybody that asks for them. Young girls need to realize that they are special and that God gave them a special and beautiful gift.  To quote the words of Muhammad-Ali: “everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to.”

Never Compromise Who You Are

It is so easy for girls to become insecure about the way they look or the way they dress. They can become the victims of negative influence. So, it is so important that they know there is nothing wrong with being different. They should be taught that it is actually great to be unique.  So, I would tell my daughter not to compromise her values just to fit in or to try to keep a man. Girls must be taught that they are fearfully and wonderfully made.

As mothers, it is our jobs to teach our daughters to love and value themselves. The things above are some of the things that I would teach my daughter.

 

http://voices.yahoo.com/from-mother-daughter-conversations-black-women-11686900.html

http://praisephilly.com/2174845/muhammad-ali-daughters/