How Long Should You Wait for Him to Pop the Question?

How Long Should You Wait for Him to Pop the Question?

(This is my own personal opinion and personal experience. Each relationship is different. )

So, the two of you have been dating for a while…and, I do mean a while. He hasn’t asked you marry him yet even though you get along great. You like his family. His family likes you. He may have even told you that he loves you. You have waited anxiously Christmas after Christmas, birthday after birthday, and Valentine’s Day after Valentine’s Day. You may even be the mother of his child. The two of you may even be living together, so what is the hold-up? When will he pop the question?

Okay, ladies, let’s be honest with ourselves. Men are not like us. They don’t react emotionally. They react logically. They think things through and look at the bigger picture. Instead of worrying about love and spending eternity with us, they worry about paying bills and providing a good, stable home. So, just because he likes you, it doesn’t mean he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

Yes, you may have given him 10 or more good years. You may have devoted your life to helping him succeed. However, if the two of you have been dating for several years, and he hasn’t asked you yet, look out! He is probably still looking for “Mrs. Right”. What?! You thought it was you. Well, he may not think so.

What makes me say this? Simple. If the man wanted to marry you, he would have by now. Don’t fall for the excuse that he is just trying to establish his career or that he is trying to finish sowing his wild oat. Even if he isn’t aware of it, he is not quite satisfied with you.

How would I know? I spent 6 years of my life waiting on my high school sweetheart. Guess, what? As soon as we broke up, he married someone else within a year. I spent another 10 years waiting for the “Man of My Dreams” to wake up and realize that I was “The One”.  “Mister” still hasn’t woke up, but I have. I have watched countless women do the same thing. But, we don’t have to.

Do a reality check on your relationship. And, don’t be fooled. Just because he bought you the ring, it doesn’t guarantee that he will walk you down the aisle.

What can you do? Simple. Have a heart to heart talk with your man. Ask him about the future of your relationship. Is he thinking about settling down? Does he envision the two of you together when you are old?

If you are satisfied with just being his girlfriend, then great. Stop worrying and let the relationship take its course.

Don’t waste another minute on a dead-end relationship. Decide what you want and verbalize this in a non-threatening way to your partner.

Discuss Finances Before Tying the Knot

 

Money is one of the main causes of marital conflict and divorce.  Each person enters a marriage with their own financial personality and spending habits.  In order of any marriage to survive, it is important that the couple have similar financial habits and goals. Because they are embarrassed by past credit mistakes or fear being judged by their future spouse, some people try to avoid addressing money issues. However, if money issues are not dealt with early on, the marriage is headed for a rocky road. So, how do you address money before marriage?

*Find a comfortable place

There is no easy way to bring up finances.  One simply has to begin.  Remember this is the person that you love and that you are planning to marry. So, relax.  Find a quiet place that is free from distractions. This discussion should also be at a time when you are both relaxed. It should not be done immediately after work when you are both exhausted. Nor should this conversation be had at the dinner table. Pick a good time and a noise free place.

*Premeditated financial questions

Have some financial questions already in mind that you would like to ask when you begin your conversation.  Start with something simple and work from there.  Some important financial questions are:

·         Are children in our plans?

This may not seem like a financial question, but it is one that will have a major financial impact.  If you do plan to have children, will one of you stay at home or will both of you work?  How will you afford daycare or other financial obligations that having children will bring?

·         What are our financial goals? You will need to know what you are working toward as a couple. Will the two of you be purchasing a home? If so, how much will it cost and how will it factor into your budget?

·         Do you use a budget? If your fiancée is not good with money now, their spending habits will adversely affect your finances.  You will need to rewrite budgets to include each other’s expenses.

·         Who will pay the bills?  Is one of you better at money than the other one?  If so, will this be the one to pay all the bills or will you keep separate accounts?

Other financial questions can be discussed, but be sure that these are discussed.

*Be prepared for disagreements

Although most newly engaged couples want things to always run smoothly, there will be disagreements.  Be prepared to disagree about money.  One conversation will not be enough.  You must be prepared to have several conversations over time about money.  And, be sure to come to an agreement on key financial issues. 

*Issues to discuss

Some important financial issues to discuss include credit card debt and student loans.  If one of you has a large amount of credit card debt or past due student loans, this must be disclosed.  Old student loans can lead to wage garnishments and confiscated tax refunds.  Large credit card debt can result in a negative credit rating.

You should each be honest about your incomes.  Your combined incomes will change your tax rate. So, be truthful about your earnings.  Also, discuss any saving accounts that you may have. Beneficiaries may need to be changed once you are married. 

Money issues can ruin a marriage. Some financial issues can be avoided by simply discussing them before the wedding. An engaged couple needs to sit down before any wedding plans are made and have a candid conversation about their financial situations. Any credit card debt, student loans, and other debts that may be looming over the marriage must be discussed.  As a couple, you should also decide who will control the finances and identify what your financial goals are. There is no magic trick to keeping a marriage happy. However, discussing money matters before marriage can help to prevent financial woes.

http://www.ehow.com/how_4586338_discuss-finances-before-marriage.html

Martial Submission: A Single Girl's Take

 

 

So many women today are independent. And, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with being able to pay your own bills and handle your business. I am a single woman, and I am independent. I have to be. I have to do it all myself. Believe me, this gets rough at times. For married women, things are a little different. They don’t have to fight all of their battles alone. They do have the convenience of having a man around (at least he is supposed to be around). With the convenience of a male partner, comes the age old question of marital submission. Should an independent woman submit to her husband?

Before all of you single gals go to roaring in outrage, let’s truly look at the question. Should a wife have to submit to her husband? When I was younger, the answer would have been “no” so fast until it would have made your head spin. However, now I am a little older and a lot wiser. No, I don’t think that a wife should act like a pet and go fetch whenever her husband tells her to. But, I do think that a man is the head of the house, and we should allow them to be just that. Yes, I do believe that my husband-whenever he shows up-should be able to give me some sound advice and I follow it. The reason that I can say this is because I believe that I should have sense enough to marry someone who is intelligent, kind, and godly. So, if my husband loves me and he loves God, I don’t think he would ask me to do anything wrong. I don’t think he would abuse his place as the head of the house or me.

As black women, we are so used to be the leader in our homes. We are not used to letting our men lead us anywhere. We want to be the boss, and we laugh at our friends who allow their husband to help make decisions. Our money is our money. So, we will spend the way we want to. We are not obligated to ask our husbands anything.

You know, men only want a few things from us. They want to be respected. They want to be loved. They want to be honored. So, why can’t we do that? Why can’t we allow them to help us?

As a single lady, I don’t think there is anything wrong with martial submission as long as you are submitting to the right man. Think about it.