The Handwriting on the Wall: Ignoring the Signs of a Break-Up

 

The Handwriting on the Wall

A while back, a young lady called me. She was very upset. In fact, she was literally in tears. Her boyfriend had finally called it off, and she was absolutely devastated. I did all that I could to comfort her and reassure her that everything was going to work out all right. The thing was this. I already knew this day was coming.

The young lady had been giving me calls for the past few months. She had been confiding in me about the problems that she and the young man had been having. And, for me, it was as plain as the nose on my face that things were not going to work out. She was a nice girl. She was pretty. She was working hard to get her education, and she was trying to motivate him to do the same. But, he simply wasn’t as gung-ho as she was about anything. He wasn’t as serious. While she wanted to settle down, he wanted to continue to play around.

I tried to warn her gracefully, but she just didn’t seem to get it. She was always finding a way to justify his behavior. But, the handwriting was on the way. Of course, I am a pretty good bit older than she is, and as the saying goes, “I been there and done that”. So, the break-up was no shock to me.

Well, I said all of that just to say this, “Wake up, ladies. Wake up.” Stop fooling yourselves. When he is not treating you the way that you should be treated…when he has checked out emotionally…when your heart starts whispering that he is being unfaithful…listen to your heart. Listen to your guts. Don’t close your eyes. See the handwriting on the way. Be aware that he is cheating. Be aware that he is getting ready to leave you. I recently wrote an eBook called, Hey Sista, Practical Advice for Women. It is sold on Amazon. In it, I give the warning signs of an impending break-up. Learn the signs. Watch the signs. Follow the signs. Guard your heart!

Knights In Shining Armor

 

Knights in Shining Armor

I can remember reading all those fairytales as a child. I can remember reading about the princess or damsel in distress and the wonderful, knight in shining armor coming to rescue her. I believed those stories and wanted to be rescued. My most of my young life I believed that a man could solve my problems. I kept thinking, “If I can just get married…I would have someone to help me pay these bills.  I would have someone to come home to…someone to talk to about my problems…someone to help me raise my kids.”

Praise God, I have finally woke up. I no longer center my life around my wedding~which has not come~but around what I can do for myself. I look to my own resources. I realize that even if there was a man here, it doesn’t mean that I will have the financial help that I have been longing for or the person to listen to my problems or the person to be here with me raising my children. I am not saying I will never marry, but I am so glad that I realize marriage is not everything. There are no knights in shining armor. Men have problems too. Marriage is a compromise. It would not be all about me and my needs. So, to all those women who are still unconsciously looking for a man to rescue them, I would like to say “Wake up!” Face reality. That man that you are waiting on to save you, maybe waiting on you to save him.

Build yourself up. Don’t spend your life looking for Mr. Right. To be honest, there is no Mr. Right. There are men who are more compatible with us than others. Learn to love yourself. Learn to be happy with the woman that you are. Before you know it, the man who is right for you will show up (if that is what you want).

So, good-bye Cinderella. Good luck Snow White. Good night Sleeping Beauty. No more kissing frogs, Tiana. I am doing just fine.

What Does He Mean When He Says...You're a Nice Girl...You Deserve Better?

 

 

Okay. Some of us have heard these words from the man in our life, and we have wondered just what he meant. In fact, some of us have grab the phone and called our girlfriends for answers. Sadly, all she can tell us is that we are “nice” or that we are “good girls”. Why are we so confused? First, our boo said this without explaining. Second, he said this and didn’t officially break up with us. So, we are left hanging.

When we ask our man about it later, we are not given a straight answer. Sometimes, he may even play dumb and pretend that he doesn’t remember saying these words. So, ladies allow me to enlighten you.
As a woman who has been there and done that, I have just about heard it all. To be honest, I have just about said it all too. Guilty…Guilty…Guilty as charged. When your significant other tells you how nice you are, he means it. You are a nice person. Yeah! Great, right!? Maybe.

When this statement is followed by the acknowledgment that you can do better, you better look out. His hands have been in the cookie jar, and his conscious is acting up. He is tell you in so many words that he has done you wrong and that you are too good for his junk.

Why hasn’t he broken up with you? Simple. You are too good to lose. He doesn’t want to willingly let you go. But, he is not ready to stop doing the crap that he is doing. He still wants to play the field and run home to you. Sometimes, when he is caught red-handed and given an ultimatum, he may even chose to let you go.

How to I know? Because I have been in the same situation. To be honest, I have even told guys this same thing after I have been wading in the mud with my man on the side. I would come back from my rendezvous and realize that I had a good man at home.

So, why would I cheat? Why would your man cheat when he knows that you are a good woman? For the same reasons everybody does:

·         Having an affair can be exciting.

·         Things are a little rocky at home or in the relationship with you. A lover welcomes us with open arms and doesn’t want to know when we are going to pay the bills or stop hanging out with our friends.

·         Things in the bedroom may have gotten boring.

·         He or she makes us feel special. They tell us how beautiful we are. They act like we are the most important person in the world.

So, now you know. What should you do?  Try to have a heart to heart talk with your partner. But, be prepared for him to deny everything.

How to Flirt like a Southern Belle Style

 

Southern women are known for their drawl, their charm, and their flirtatious nature. They can stop a man dead in his tracks with just one look, and they can woo him before he even bats his eyes. If you have ever watched Gone with the Wind, then you have seen a southern belle in action. Scarlett O’Hara was an infamous flirt. How do southern women do it? The following is a guide to flirting southern belle style.

The Eyes Have It

Flirting begins with the eyes. All good southern girls learn from an early age how to make her eyes work for her. And, those eyes don’t have to be blue. All you need to know is how to “smize” (smile with your eyes~a term coined by supermodel Tyra Banks). The first thing you will need to do is look directly at your target. Make your eyes as wide as you can. Then, slowly drop them half way. Go from his eyes to his shoulders and then back up to his eyes again. Raise one of your eyebrows and make your eyes smile. It doesn’t hurt to bat them once or twice. It is also a good idea to know how to wear the right eye make up for maximum effect.

The Lips Say It All

A woman’s lips also play an important part in the flirting process. Let your lips work for you. Once you have his attention, smile. Don’t give him a big silly smile. Make it subtle. The smile should begin in one corner of your mouth like a smirk and then let it go all the way around. Lipstick and lip gloss are your friends. Don’t be afraid to use some. They can help to make your lips exciting.

Talk to Me

Once you have captured him with your eyes and drew him in with your lips, you should then strike up a conversation. You can start it out with something as simple as a “Hello”.  Find something of mutual interest and have a nice, casual conversation. A good southern flirt will center the conversation around the man she is talking to. So, let him talk about himself or things that interest him. Be sure to look either wide-eyed or dreamy eyed.  Act like he is the most important person in the world at that moment.

Touch My Heart

During the course of the conversation, gently touch his arm. Don’t grab him. Make the touch light. It should seem “natural”.

Learning to Walk Away

Finally, a southern girl knows when to walk away. Don’t let the conversation go on too long. Remember, you want to give him something to think about. Leave him wanting more. Politely, excuse yourself. If he is still interested, he will ask for your number or any other way that he can contact you.

Southern women are known for their ability to flirt. Their words drip like honey, and men flock to them. Follow the steps listed above and flirt like a southern belle.

Gift Ideas for Football Fans

Great gift ideas for Football fans

Can’t think of what to get that special person in your life?  Do they love football? If they do, then finding a gift just got easier. The items below make great gifts for any football fan.

*Collapsible quad chair

Who couldn’t use a collapsible quad chair? These are great to use when sitting near the field or to use during those tailgating parties. They are generally inexpensive, and because they are collapsible, they can be taken anywhere.  You can make this chair extra special by purchasing one with your football fan’s favorite team logo on it. 

*Clappers, Cowbells, and Pompoms

Any good football fan will need a noise maker to use when their team makes that touchdown.  Mississippi State University fans use cowbells, but there are other items that are just as much fun. You can have specially designed team clappers or bam bams for your football enthusiast. If your football fan happens to be a female or you don’t want a noise maker, you can opt for pompoms in team colors.

*Team t-shirts and sweatshirts

Team t-shirts are cute and they are a fantastic way to show off that school pride. They go well with jeans, shorts, and turtlenecks. Don’t forget those warm and cozy team sweatshirts. They are perfect for the game and the cold weather.

*Hats and gloves

Football is a cold weather sport. Help keep your football fan warm while they are sitting in the stands with both a warm hat and a pair of gloves. If your football fan likes a professional team, you can find these with team logos also.

*Electric smoker (tailgating)

Tailgating and football go hand in hand. If your football fan likes to tailgate, then an electric smoker can be an ideal gift. There are three different types of smokers: wood burning, charcoal, and propane. Smokers can be used to cook both meats and vegetables at the same time which makes them perfect for tailgating.

*Cooler (tailgating)

Another item that is a tailgating must is a cooler. A cooler can be used to keep drinks and other carefully wrapped dishes like potato salad cool.  All your football fan will have to do is fill it up and head out to the game day party.

*Flat screen television

Let your favorite football fan watch that big game on a new flat screen television.  They can be purchased at any electronics store. They range in price according to size, so it’s easy to get one to fit your budget.

*Memorabilia

Anything with your football enthusiast’s team logo will make a great gift. This includes footballs, flip flops, bracelets, coffee mugs, and figurines.

Football enthusiasts all have one thing in common-they all love the game. When choosing a gift for them, get them something they will love.  Choose one of the gifts from the list above.

Planning a Tailgating Party

How to plan a tailgate party

 

If you are ready for some football, chances are you are also ready for a great tailgating party. If are you thinking about hosting a tailgate party, don’t settle for just another ordinary party.  Have the best tailgate party every.  Don’t know how? Then read on.

*Choose location

When hosting a tailgate party, location is everything. Choose a location that is close enough to the game, but far enough away that you and your buddies can truly enjoy yourself.  A lot of college campuses are banning tailgating in their parking lots, so have a different location in mind just in case. If you do have your tailgate party on the campus parking lot, learn their rules for tailgating. Parks, picnic areas, and beaches are great places to host a tailgate party. You will also need to decide if you will have tables at your party or use the tailgate of your vehicle.

*Decide on the size of the party and menu

Figure out how large your tailgate party will be.  If you are inviting a large number of people, then be sure to you pick a place that is large enough to accommodate your crowd and not interfere with other tailgaters.

*Potluck or Organized Meal

This also a good time to decide if you will prepare all of the food or if you will do potluck. Once you have made this decision, you can decide what type of food you will have at your party. Whether you are doing potluck or doing all the cooking, you will want to carefully plan your menu.

*Prepare some dishes ahead of time

To save time and energy, it is best to prepare some food ahead of time. Marinate your meat and make simple dishes like chili, taco filling, sloppy joes and potato or pasta salads before heading out. Consider how you will keep your food safe from contamination.  Have a specified place to keep your meats and one to keep the rest of your food. Good hand washing is also a must.

*Drinks

You should plan to bring enough soft drinks and water to last football fans throughout the party.  When trying to figure out how many drinks you will need, a good way to estimate is to assume each guest will drink one to two cans per hour of the party. If the weather is cool, you can also prepare hot cocoa or hot coffee.

*Eating utensils

Eat is so easy to forget the plates, cups, paper towels, and other eating utensils.  So, put them at the top of your shopping list. 

*Pack the car

Last, you will need to pack the car or truck.  Put your heavy equipment in first like your smoker, grill, cooler, and deep fryer.  Keep your food dishes away from these items to prevent containers from getting broken.

Football and tailgating go hand in hand. Even though tailgating is an informal party, don’t just throw things together.  Follow the suggestions above and have one of the greatest tailgating parties ever.

How Long Should You Wait for Him to Pop the Question?

How Long Should You Wait for Him to Pop the Question?

(This is my own personal opinion and personal experience. Each relationship is different. )

So, the two of you have been dating for a while…and, I do mean a while. He hasn’t asked you marry him yet even though you get along great. You like his family. His family likes you. He may have even told you that he loves you. You have waited anxiously Christmas after Christmas, birthday after birthday, and Valentine’s Day after Valentine’s Day. You may even be the mother of his child. The two of you may even be living together, so what is the hold-up? When will he pop the question?

Okay, ladies, let’s be honest with ourselves. Men are not like us. They don’t react emotionally. They react logically. They think things through and look at the bigger picture. Instead of worrying about love and spending eternity with us, they worry about paying bills and providing a good, stable home. So, just because he likes you, it doesn’t mean he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

Yes, you may have given him 10 or more good years. You may have devoted your life to helping him succeed. However, if the two of you have been dating for several years, and he hasn’t asked you yet, look out! He is probably still looking for “Mrs. Right”. What?! You thought it was you. Well, he may not think so.

What makes me say this? Simple. If the man wanted to marry you, he would have by now. Don’t fall for the excuse that he is just trying to establish his career or that he is trying to finish sowing his wild oat. Even if he isn’t aware of it, he is not quite satisfied with you.

How would I know? I spent 6 years of my life waiting on my high school sweetheart. Guess, what? As soon as we broke up, he married someone else within a year. I spent another 10 years waiting for the “Man of My Dreams” to wake up and realize that I was “The One”.  “Mister” still hasn’t woke up, but I have. I have watched countless women do the same thing. But, we don’t have to.

Do a reality check on your relationship. And, don’t be fooled. Just because he bought you the ring, it doesn’t guarantee that he will walk you down the aisle.

What can you do? Simple. Have a heart to heart talk with your man. Ask him about the future of your relationship. Is he thinking about settling down? Does he envision the two of you together when you are old?

If you are satisfied with just being his girlfriend, then great. Stop worrying and let the relationship take its course.

Don’t waste another minute on a dead-end relationship. Decide what you want and verbalize this in a non-threatening way to your partner.