Tips on Reconnecting with an Estranged Family Member or Loved One

How to Reconnect with an Estranged Family Member

No family is perfect. There are always going to be some up and downs. But, when those downs have led to the estrangement of a loved one, things have gone too far. So, how do you reconnect with an estranged family member? The following are ways to bridge the gap.

Dealing with Pride

It is often difficult to put ones pride aside. However, if you are going to reconnect with an estranged loved one, you are going to have to deal with your self-righteousness and pride. A relationship cannot survive when it is choked down by selfishness. In order to reconnect, you must be willing to admit your part in the conflict and accept responsibility for your actions. You will also have to allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable.

Apologize

Evaluate your part in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your actions and words. Now, be willing to apologize for your role in the disagreement. Don’t place blame. Don’t accuse. Forgive and move forward. And, when you make contact with the estranged family member, don’t expect them to apologize. You accept responsibility for your role. Apologize even if you don’t feel that you are the one who caused the problem.

Make first contact

Once you have dealt with your pride and hurt feelings, you need to make contact with the estranged family member. Although some people recommend writing a letter first, this can be impersonal. You can initiate contact by picking up the phone and making a call. But, be sure to practice what you will say before you make the call. Be prepared for reject, anger, and possible accusations. Don’t give in to your own hurt feelings and lash out. Instead, try to focus on the bigger picture. Remember that you care about this person and want to repair your relationship. Try to keep the conversation on neutral ground. For this first call, express your desire to reconnect. Then, limit your conversation and the amount of time you spend on the phone.

Be Patient

It takes time to reconnect. Trust and respect must be rebuilt, and this takes time. So, be prepared to wait. Months or even years of anger and hurt will not heal overnight. And, accept that things have changed and they may never be the same again.

Learn Coping Strategies

Now that you have made the first move and initiated contact, you will need to have some coping strategies. Things will not be perfect. You may want to avoid touchy issues at first. But, after a while you will need to confront the issue that tore you apart to begin with. Be prepared. Be calm. And, be willing to listen without getting angry or making judging.

Don’t waste your time mourning over an estranged family member. Reconnect and rebuild relationships.