What Does He Mean...

You Say “I Love You. He Says “Let’s Be FWB”

So, you did it. You confess your love to this guy that you have had your eyes and mind on for quite some time. You have been praying and hoping that he felt the same way that you did. It took you a while, but you finally worked up the nerve to proclaim your love. Then, what does he do? Instead of saying that he feels the same way or letting you know that he doesn’t, he suggesting being friends with benefits. What is up?

Okay, siesta. I love you so I will tell you the truth. He means that he likes your body. Maybe he is lonely. Either ways, he has evaluated you and decided that he would like to have sex with you. Same thing as I love you, right? Wrong. At least, he likes me, right? Wrong, again. He doesn’t like you as a person. He likes what he thinks your body can do for him. He likes the prospect of getting you home for dessert. No, he is not considering you as girlfriend or wife material. He is considering you a willing victim. A volunteer to his drama. Don’t fall for it. Don’t agree. Don’t stoop to this level thinking things will change once the two of you hook up. It won’t.

Men place women in categories: girlfriend material, wife material, doable, doable when my boys aren’t around, and no way. You are on his “doable” list. Not one of the first two.

So, what should you do? Tell him, “Thanks but no thanks”, go home have a good cry, and begin to move on. If he comes back later, check to see where his mind is at. If he is ready for a commitment, go for it. But, don’t go along with the game. As my brothers, Stanley and Maurice, love to say “There are no victims in this game, only willing volunteers.” Don’t be a lamb led to the slaughter. Realize you are worth more than that.

Things Married, Chrisitans Shouldn't Say to Single People

As a single woman, I can’t tell you the number of times I have had someone tell me that I am single because there are some things I need to work on. I have been told that while I wait on the “right man”~the man God has specially designed for me~I should work on myself because “you attract what you are”. I have been asked, “What can you bring to the table? What can you offer a man?”

What?! This is so offensive to me that I can’t even express it in words. Why? Right, I have two degrees. Plus, I run my own photography business and write professionally. I am not rolling in money, but I do fairly well. It is a fact that most black women make more than black men. I would love to meet a man (black, white, or whatever color) who can meet me halfway. Next and most importantly, “I like me”. I would love to meet a man who likes to have “his own space” sometimes because I need mine. So, please go hunting, shoot some ball, or spend some time with the boys. I would love to find a man who likes to spend time reading or watching the game. I would love to find someone who enjoys some of the same things I do. I like me.

No, I don’t feel that there is a lot I need to work on. Yes, I can spend all of this wonderful time with God. However, God himself said that it was not good for man to be alone.

Question to all those married people: If I need to spend all of this time with God just because I am single, what about yourself? Does getting married signify that you have got it all together and you are excempt for prayer and fasting? When I look at the married couples I know, so many of them seem so miserable. I wonder if they are spending as much time with God as they are suggesting that I do because I am single.

Being single is not a curse. It is not a disease. For some people, it is a lifestyle choice. For some people, it is a temporary state. For me, it is the place where God has me for the moment. I don’t feel that he has me here because I am a wretched person or because I need to get my career established. Why am I single? I am single because this is God’s design for at this time and at this place. This doesn’t mean that I will be single forever. It simply means that God in his wisdom has me in a holding position, and when he is ready for me to land, he will guide me safely home.

Single, Sexual Being, In Love with God

 

I know the title is crazy, but it is true. I am single. I love God, but I am also a sexual being. I am aware that sex is best enjoyed within marriage. I believe the Bible. However, I will not lie and say that I don’t have sexual desire. This would be hypocrisy. I do want a companion. I want to get married. I want to enjoy sex.

No, I am not advocating premarital sex. But, I am being truthful. I have learned that God knows me. He know my thoughts and my feelings. And, I do have sexual feelings. I believe virginity is valuable, and if I could go back I would. But, that is water under the bridge. What does irritate me is when Christians who are married tell me to save yourself and I know they didn’t. What irritates me are Christian men who tell me not to give men my phone number or tell a man that I am attracted to him. Okay. Maybe. But, I am an independent woman, and I don’t see anything wrong with smiling back at a man I am attracted to.

I try to remain faithful to the cause. But, I am human. I am a sexual being, and I do still have the desire to be with a man sexually. Is this wrong when I love God?

The only person who can answer that is God. So, save all your negative responses. I just decided to be honest~unlike so many Christians out there who are having sex and aren’t married.

7 Simple Ways to Go Frugal

 

Learning how to live frugal is vital in today’s tough economy. Although most people assume living frugal means doing without and suffering, it doesn’t. What it means is smart spending and saving. The following are 7 simple things that you can do to save money and live more frugally.

Cut Coupons

Although it has been said time and again, it is a fact that using coupons will help you save money. You should use coupons to purchase staple items in bulk. Whenever an item that you use regularly is on sale and you have coupons for it, you should buy that item in large quantities. This will ensures that you don’t have to purchase the item again until it goes back on sale.

Sew socks

Who sews socks? When they get a hole in them, the first thing we do is throw them out and buy more, right? No! You don’t throw them out. By throwing out those socks, you are throwing away money. Most hole form at the tip of the sock. So, instead of tossing them in the trash, grab a needle and thread and go to work sewing up that hole. Because the hole is at the tip of the sock, no one will see your needle work anyway.

Pick up pennies

Picking up pennies is also a great way to save a little extra money. Lost pennies are everywhere. Take the time to pick them up. Add them to your piggy bank. After a few months take them out, bag them, and head to the bank. You will be surprise at the amount of money you will have over time. Remember the guy who paid off his house in pennies? Think about it.

Drink more water

Put the carbonated soda down and drink more water. Water is good for the body. It helps keep you hydrated, help to ensure that the brain receives the need amount of oxygen, and keeps the digestive system moving. Water has zero calories, and in most restaurants, it is free. So, instead of ordering a soda that you will be overcharged for, have a glass of water instead.

Buy soda in bulk

If you can’t seem to escape the need for carbonated soda, buy those drinks in bulk. Buying drinks by the case is much cheaper than buy them in single 12 oz. cans. Also, keep a few in your car for those times when you use the drive through. By having some can sodas already in your car, you don’t have to order a drink at the drive through. This will also help to save you money.

Shop consignment

Consignment shops are great places to find quality clothes without paying full price. These gently used clothes are often just as good as those bought from a department store, and they are half the department store price.

Eat out less

Eating out can be expensive. Although some people will beg to differ, it is much cheaper to eat meals at home. Why? The amount of money that you spend on one meal could have been used to prepare a larger meal that you can eat more than once in a day and that can be used for leftovers.

Living frugal doesn’t have to be hard. The things listed above are simple, painless things that you can do to help save money.

Progressive Commerical

Okay, I know this is totally silly, but I was just watching the Progressive commercial about bundling. It's the one with the car driving up the driveway with the side lights all coming on and slow music playing in the background. The car states, "I been thinking about you and I just couldn't fight it".  Then, it flips back to Flo telling this little boy, "And, that's how a home and auto bundle is made."
LOL!!! I love it.

5 Simple Ways to Make Time for Your Mate

 

With all the pressures of everyday living, finding time to spend with your significant other can be difficult. However, it is not impossible. Don’t let a busy schedule destroy your relationship. The following five tips can help you make time for your mate.

*Share Chores

Make use of every opportunity. When you get home from work, don’t just head straight for the couch or for that pile of dishes sitting in the sink. Turn chores into together time. Fix dinner together. Wash dishes together. Be sure to touch each other often while working together. And, don’t forget that bath time can exciting too. So, take a quick shower together.

*Make Lunch Special

Lunch break doesn’t have to be a boring affair. It can become an exotic delight if the two of you work close to home or close enough to spend it together. Schedule a lunch date. Spend that time talking or skip lunch, head home, and enjoy each other.

*Become Early Birds or Night Owls

If you relationship is important to you, then be willing to make a few sacrifices. Set your alarm a few minutes earlier or reschedule bedtime. Spend an extra fifteen to thirty minutes with your partner simply talking or touching. 

*Don’t forget to Communicate

So, you are always busy or the two of you keep missing each other. It is amazing just how important communicate is. Pick up the phone and give your mate a call. And, do call just to discuss the children or complain about work. Liven up that phone conversation by telling him or her how much you want them. Tell them what you find attractive about them.  If you don’t feel comfortable talking sexy on the phone, simply let your mate know that you love them and that you are thinking about them.

* Schedule Time Together

Be sure to pencil your partner in on your busy schedule. They are just as important as that next business meeting. Set aside time each day to spend with them. It can be a regular “date night” or something as simple as a special dinner. Surprising them with your romantic gestures is great, but if they have a busy schedule like you do, you might want to let them know what your plans are so that they don’t plan something else during this time.

Don’t let a busy lifestyle ruin your relationship. Make your mate a priority. Find simple ways to stay connected with them.

Dating Ideas for Fall

The hot and humid days of summer have given way to the cooler days of autumn.  As the earth changes her colors, now is a great time to plan a date that allows you to appreciate nature’s beauty and great weather. The following are dating ideas for the fall season.

Pumpkin patch

As the fall holidays approach, picking and decorating pumpkins together can be fun. So, plan a visit to your local pumpkin patch.  Pick out some pumpkins together. Head home with your pumpkins and carve them for the holiday. And, don’t throw those seeds away. You can roast them for a great snack.

Hayride

Fall is a great time of year to go for a hayride. You can opt to decorate your own wagon or tractor and have a friend chauffeur the two of you or you can schedule a hayride with a group.

Bonfire on the beach

Sitting around a large bonfire on the beach at night can be romantic. Gather some kindling, long logs, and a pack of matches. And, don’t forget the blankets and hot cocoa.

Park

The park is still a nice date location even in the fall. You can have a picnic, feed the ducks together, enjoy a concert, or some of the other great fall events.

Nature walks

Nature walks are great dating ideas for the fall season. You can go for a nature walk in the park or at one of the national parks in your area. You can even observe the local wildlife while on your walk together. Be sure to plan ahead and pack everything that you might need for your nature walk like a map, bottled water, wipes, a camera, and a communication devise. 

Football games

As cooler weather sets in, so does football season. If your date loves sports, then a football game is a perfect place for a fall date. You get to cheer for your favorite team while enjoying time together. If the weather is crisp, be sure to pack a blanket for snuggling up.

Go apple picking

Take your date apple picking. Plan a tour of a local orchard. You and your date can even help to make some apple cider or apple butter.

Halloween date

 Halloween is just around the corner. So, why not plan a Halloween date your partner will never forget. Take your loved one on a tour of a haunted house.

Autumn provides a beautiful canvas for couples. Plan a date that allows you and your partner to enjoy each other and the weather.