What Does He Mean...

You Say “I Love You. He Says “Let’s Be FWB”

So, you did it. You confess your love to this guy that you have had your eyes and mind on for quite some time. You have been praying and hoping that he felt the same way that you did. It took you a while, but you finally worked up the nerve to proclaim your love. Then, what does he do? Instead of saying that he feels the same way or letting you know that he doesn’t, he suggesting being friends with benefits. What is up?

Okay, siesta. I love you so I will tell you the truth. He means that he likes your body. Maybe he is lonely. Either ways, he has evaluated you and decided that he would like to have sex with you. Same thing as I love you, right? Wrong. At least, he likes me, right? Wrong, again. He doesn’t like you as a person. He likes what he thinks your body can do for him. He likes the prospect of getting you home for dessert. No, he is not considering you as girlfriend or wife material. He is considering you a willing victim. A volunteer to his drama. Don’t fall for it. Don’t agree. Don’t stoop to this level thinking things will change once the two of you hook up. It won’t.

Men place women in categories: girlfriend material, wife material, doable, doable when my boys aren’t around, and no way. You are on his “doable” list. Not one of the first two.

So, what should you do? Tell him, “Thanks but no thanks”, go home have a good cry, and begin to move on. If he comes back later, check to see where his mind is at. If he is ready for a commitment, go for it. But, don’t go along with the game. As my brothers, Stanley and Maurice, love to say “There are no victims in this game, only willing volunteers.” Don’t be a lamb led to the slaughter. Realize you are worth more than that.

How to Recover Your Friendship after Being "Friends with Benefits" Fails

 

So, you and your BFF (Best Friend Forever) decide to cross the line and become “Friends with Benefits”. Although things were great at first, the arrangement didn’t work out. One or both of you begin to have romantic feelings for the other one. And, as a result, things ended badly. So, now what do you do? How you recover from losing your lover and your best friend?

Give It Time

First, start by giving it some time. You have just suffered a major loss. You were betrayed by someone that you love. So, it is normal to grieve that loss. Think about it. This was someone that you trusted with your most intimate feelings and secrets. The two of you shared your dreams and your fears. The two of you also decided to share your bodies. Now, you have been left with a giant hole in your heart. Only time can heal these wounds.

Find an Outlet

Next, find a way to release those hurt feelings. You can take up journaling or writing in a dairy. Writing about your feelings will help you to heal over time. You can also start exercising. This will help to increase dopamine and serotonin (feel good hormones) in your blood. You can also explore new hobbies. These things will help to keep your mind off of your lost friendship. And, please, please, don’t jump into bed with another friend or lover just to stop the pain. This never works and can cause more trouble than it is worth.

Admit Your Mistakes

The next step to recovering your lost friendship is to admit your mistakes. Whether the rift was caused by you or your friend, you should evaluate what happened. Ask yourself what went wrong with your arrangement. If you can’t seem to figure out what happened, you may want to consult another friend for answers.

Rebuild Trust

Trust is built over time. So, it will take time to rebuild the trust that the two of you lost when your “Friends with Benefits” relationship failed. You can start by talking to each other about what happened, listening to the other person’s perspective of things, and offering any needed apologies. You may not be ready to resume your close friendship right now. So, be honest with your friend about this. Start small. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Put the Past Behind

You and your friends must agree to put the past behind you. At this point, you should have discussed all of the important issues. Let go of the past. Forgive each other and agree to move past your failed sexual relationship and back into your platonic friendship.

It is always risky trying to be “Friends with Benefits”. There are so many things that can go wrong, and too often those things do go wrong. Thankfully, you don’t have to lose your best friend forever. The suggestions listed above will help you move past the pain.

http://voices.yahoo.com/how-successfully-handle-break-up-11957066.html

http://www.livinghealthy360.com/index.php/ways-to-relax-without-turning-to-food-3194/

http://voices.yahoo.com/rebuilding-trust-relationship-5822624.html

http://exercise.about.com/cs/exercisehealth/a/depressin.htm

 

 

Are We Settling for Less

Whether many of you know it or not, I spend a lot of time on Yahoo Answer. I answer questions mainly in the relationship section. The topic that seems to keep popping up is: "I have slept with my best friend, now what?" or "My friend and I agreed to have a FWB (friends with benefits) relationship and now I find that I have feelings for him". Okay, ladies. I wrote the first article about "Being Friends with Benefits", and it was my opinion that this type of a relationship can work if both parties realize that nothing permanent is going to come out of it. Sadly, too many women are entering these relationships because the are lonely or because they believe their "friend" will change his mind.
 Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. The guy has told you from the start that all he wanted was sex. Period. End of the story. So, if you decide to jeopardize your friendship just because your hormones are raging, then you have put yourself in this position. I feel that we as women are starting to sell ourselves short. The guys are getting what they want out of this arrangement (free/no strings attached sex and a good friend to talk to). However, we are coming up short.
Don't get me wrong. I am not downing anyone who has agreed to this. To be honest, I have done this myself. Did it work for me? In one instant, it worked great because I didn't like the guy and I knew he was not the type of man I would ever be interested in as far as having a permanent relationship goes. The other times were a disaster. Why? Because, first, you already have feelings for this person. Remember, he is already your friend and knows all of your "dirty little secrets". Next, add sex to the mix and ( want to or not) you start to develop feelings for the person you are having sex with. No wonder you are angry when he wants to talk to you about his last conquest or about some hot girl he is dating. Problem!!!
So, as I continue to read and answer countless women who want to know what happened to their BFF after they gave them the goodies, I am forced to ask myself ( and you) are we selling ourselves too short. The answer, of course, is yes. We are. We must learn to control our hormones and stop agreeing to be just a bed buddy for our guy friends.
If we don't, we will never find our true mate. We will always be just another willing victim to lust.

"Friends with Benefits": Does It Actually Work

As a single woman over the age of 35, I know too well the pressures of trying find Mr. Right. The hunt for a soul mate can be emotionally trying and sexually frustrating. It is hard to truly get to know that new person when your hormones are raging. So, what is a single person to do? Some people have come up with what they think is an ideal solution to the problem. It is called being “friends with benefits”.

What are “friends with benefits”? These are two friends who have made a conscious decision to have “no strings attached” sex with each other. The agreement is to supply each other’s sexual needs as well as continuing to be BFFs (best friends forever). Sounds great, right? But, does this type of relationship actually work? The answer is both “yes and no”.

Yes, this does offer the two partners sexual release without the worries that having sex with potential marriage partners does. And, yes, it is convenient. Think about, the two friends already know each other. They knew what they both like and don’t like. They can be completely open and honest with each other. The two people don’t have to work about all of the things that actual couples have to worry about like trying to impress each other or trying to be nice. And, since they are friends and not potential soul mates, they can continue to date other people and search for their true soul mate.

However, this type of a relationship can come with some serious negatives. It stands the risk of turning into something else. Too often one of the friends/lovers begins to develop romantic feelings for the other one. The friend who has become emotionally attached can find it difficult to cope with the other partner continuing to date other people and may even demand some type of commitment. Unless the other friend also shares these feelings, this effectively ends the agreement and ruins a once great friendship. There is also the “weirdness” of having sex with a close friend. Although the two friends may have laughingly shared details from their other sexual conquests, they may not have shared all of their sexual preferences. And, sadly, some friends find being around each other difficult after they cross the line.

Is being “friends with benefits” a good idea? Well, that depends on the friends. If they are both emotionally mature enough to handle the arrangement, it can be a great arrangement. However, there is always the risk of things going wrong. So, if you are considering this type of a relationship, ask yourself which is more important-satisfying your sexual needs or having a great friend.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/is-becoming-friends-with-benefits-a-good-idea.html

http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_100/118_love_secrets.html