Growing
up as a female can be hard. There are some things that women experience that
men just don’t. We are the seed carriers of the world. We are the nurturers.
And, too often we are the burden bearers. Our hormones kick in when we are
about ten, and from that point on, we rage and we war with our emotions. Yes,
some of us can talk to our mothers. Then, some of us can’t. I can remember
growing up and being curious about boys, but also being too afraid to talk to
my mother about this. I was afraid of what she would think. I was afraid of
what my grandmother and aunt would think. I wanted to be a “good girl”.
My
mother didn’t know to talk to me about sex. To be honest, I don’t think she
knew how. She grew up in a time when this just wasn’t done. The majority of African
American mother did not talk to their daughters about sex or the changes their
body would experience. So, I hid my curiosity. But, by hiding my budding
sexuality, I set myself on a destructive course that would take decades to
undo. God has not given me a daughter, but here are some things that I would
tell my daughter.
All Men are not the
Same
No,
child. All men are not the same. All men are not dogs. All men are not evil and
just after one thing. There are some good men out there. There are some good
black men in the world. And, no you don’t have to dress like a tramp to get
one. You just have to be able to recognize a good man when you see one.
There is nothing “evil”
or “bad” about sex
Sex
is not “bad”. I was taught that only “bad girls” had sex, and only “nasty girls”
liked sex. Come on, ladies. This is a sad misconception, and one that should
have never been taught to our girls. Yes, it does date back centuries. However,
it sends the wrong message about sex to our females. It makes them feel “bad”
or “dirty” for enjoying something that God gave us-an act that God meant to be
beautiful. No, I am not telling you to tell your daughters to go have sex with
everybody. But, I am saying that they should be taught how to love and enjoy
their husbands.
Value Yourself
This
leads to my next point. I would tell my daughter to value herself. Young girls
need to know that their body is a temple. It is not a playground. Any and
everybody should not be able to come and trample around in it. There should not
cast their pearls before swine. Yes, I did say that not all men are dogs. This is
true. Yes, I did say that girls should be taught that sex is not “nasty”.
However, that doesn’t mean that you give your cookies away to everybody that
asks for them. Young girls need to realize that they are special and that God
gave them a special and beautiful gift. To
quote the words of Muhammad-Ali: “everything that God made valuable in the
world is covered and hard to get to.”
Never Compromise Who
You Are
It
is so easy for girls to become insecure about the way they look or the way they
dress. They can become the victims of negative influence. So, it is so
important that they know there is nothing wrong with being different. They
should be taught that it is actually great to be unique. So, I would tell my daughter not to compromise
her values just to fit in or to try to keep a man. Girls must be taught that
they are fearfully and wonderfully made.
As
mothers, it is our jobs to teach our daughters to love and value themselves.
The things above are some of the things that I would teach my daughter.
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