Things Married, Chrisitans Shouldn't Say to Single People

As a single woman, I can’t tell you the number of times I have had someone tell me that I am single because there are some things I need to work on. I have been told that while I wait on the “right man”~the man God has specially designed for me~I should work on myself because “you attract what you are”. I have been asked, “What can you bring to the table? What can you offer a man?”

What?! This is so offensive to me that I can’t even express it in words. Why? Right, I have two degrees. Plus, I run my own photography business and write professionally. I am not rolling in money, but I do fairly well. It is a fact that most black women make more than black men. I would love to meet a man (black, white, or whatever color) who can meet me halfway. Next and most importantly, “I like me”. I would love to meet a man who likes to have “his own space” sometimes because I need mine. So, please go hunting, shoot some ball, or spend some time with the boys. I would love to find a man who likes to spend time reading or watching the game. I would love to find someone who enjoys some of the same things I do. I like me.

No, I don’t feel that there is a lot I need to work on. Yes, I can spend all of this wonderful time with God. However, God himself said that it was not good for man to be alone.

Question to all those married people: If I need to spend all of this time with God just because I am single, what about yourself? Does getting married signify that you have got it all together and you are excempt for prayer and fasting? When I look at the married couples I know, so many of them seem so miserable. I wonder if they are spending as much time with God as they are suggesting that I do because I am single.

Being single is not a curse. It is not a disease. For some people, it is a lifestyle choice. For some people, it is a temporary state. For me, it is the place where God has me for the moment. I don’t feel that he has me here because I am a wretched person or because I need to get my career established. Why am I single? I am single because this is God’s design for at this time and at this place. This doesn’t mean that I will be single forever. It simply means that God in his wisdom has me in a holding position, and when he is ready for me to land, he will guide me safely home.

Single, Sexual Being, In Love with God

 

I know the title is crazy, but it is true. I am single. I love God, but I am also a sexual being. I am aware that sex is best enjoyed within marriage. I believe the Bible. However, I will not lie and say that I don’t have sexual desire. This would be hypocrisy. I do want a companion. I want to get married. I want to enjoy sex.

No, I am not advocating premarital sex. But, I am being truthful. I have learned that God knows me. He know my thoughts and my feelings. And, I do have sexual feelings. I believe virginity is valuable, and if I could go back I would. But, that is water under the bridge. What does irritate me is when Christians who are married tell me to save yourself and I know they didn’t. What irritates me are Christian men who tell me not to give men my phone number or tell a man that I am attracted to him. Okay. Maybe. But, I am an independent woman, and I don’t see anything wrong with smiling back at a man I am attracted to.

I try to remain faithful to the cause. But, I am human. I am a sexual being, and I do still have the desire to be with a man sexually. Is this wrong when I love God?

The only person who can answer that is God. So, save all your negative responses. I just decided to be honest~unlike so many Christians out there who are having sex and aren’t married.

Things I Hate About Being Single

 

Do you ever listen to married people?  Most of them are always complaining about being married.   What they don’t realize is how lucky they really are.  Being single can be a real drag.  You may be thinking, what’s not to love about being single?  Well, here are some of the main things that I hate about being single.

Feeling left out. 

Sure, parties and family get-togethers can be great-if you have a date.  The problem for a single person attending these types of events is being forced to deal with feelings of being left out especially when most of the people at the party are couples. 

Holidays are depression

I used to love the holidays, but the older I became and remained single, they became somewhat depressing. Christmas and Thanksgiving can be especially lonely because a lot of emphasis is placed on families during this time of the year.  People without partners can begin to question their self-worth.  The worst holiday of all is Valentine’s Day.  Watching other people receive cards, flowers, and gifts can really be depressing.

Not living up to family expectations.

A lot of young people feel pressured to get married, and I am no exception. If you are a girl, it is expected of you to get married and raise a family.  When that does not happen right away, family members can begin to press the issue.  Being single when you don’t want to be is frustrating enough without the added pressure from family members. 

Pressure from a church or other religious affiliation 

Most religions emphasize the importance of getting married before engaging in sexual activity.  Single people who want to stay in good graces with their church and still be a part of the dating scene finds themselves in the midst of a spiritual dilemma.  They are forced to concentrate on being celibate and to locate a suitable partner all at the same time. 

Being single is a challenge.  Although many married people claim they would rather lose their shackles, they don’t realize the real perks of being married.  They don’t have to worry about feeling left out at parties, being lonely during the holidays, disappointing their parents, or trying to maintain celibacy while looking for a partner. 

How to cope with loneliness as a single person

Being single has its advantages. You are not committed to one particular person, and you can come and go as you please. You don’t have to worry about cooking or about having to make unwanted compromises. Sounds great, right? However, being single has some disadvantages.

One of the biggest disadvantages of being single is dealing with loneliness. Loneliness can be difficult to deal with, but not impossible. If you are single and lonely, then read on. The following tips will help you cope.

Tip #1: Get out and socialize

Although it has happened, the chances are slim that you will meet a companion while moping around your house. Get out and meet some people. Even if you don’t initially feel like it, getting out in the public will help decrease those feelings of loneliness.

Tip #2: Talk to friends

Pick up the phone and call your friends. Schedule some time with them. Talk to them about your feelings. Surround yourself with positive people.

Tip #3: Volunteer

Sure, it’s not exactly going on a date, but volunteering can be almost as rewarding. It will not only help your community, but it can help you to connect with others and make new social contacts. It will help you to put things into perspective, and to stop focusing on being single.  Volunteering will expose you to people who share some of the same interests as you. It can build your self-confidence and increase your life satisfaction. Volunteering will give you a chance to learn new skills or sharpen the old ones. 

Tip #4: Focus on your hobbies

Focus on your hobbies or discover new ones. Go back to school. Take classes that will help you further your career. While you are single is a good time to pursue your careers goals and other hobbies. Pack your calendar with exciting things to do. Just because you are single it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.

Tip #5: Exercise

The benefits of exercise cannot be overstated.  Not only does it help you get in shape and help to prevent illness like heart disease and diabetes, it can also help your mood. Exercise helps to release serotonin into your blood system. Serotonin is a mood altering chemical that can make the difference between feeling lonely and depressed or feeling happy and self-confident. Joining a gym or going jogging is also a smart way to meet other singles.

Stop focusing on the negative aspects of being single and begin find ways to beat loneliness.  Talk to a friend and find other activities that you enjoy.