The Handwriting on the Wall: Ignoring the Signs of a Break-Up

 

The Handwriting on the Wall

A while back, a young lady called me. She was very upset. In fact, she was literally in tears. Her boyfriend had finally called it off, and she was absolutely devastated. I did all that I could to comfort her and reassure her that everything was going to work out all right. The thing was this. I already knew this day was coming.

The young lady had been giving me calls for the past few months. She had been confiding in me about the problems that she and the young man had been having. And, for me, it was as plain as the nose on my face that things were not going to work out. She was a nice girl. She was pretty. She was working hard to get her education, and she was trying to motivate him to do the same. But, he simply wasn’t as gung-ho as she was about anything. He wasn’t as serious. While she wanted to settle down, he wanted to continue to play around.

I tried to warn her gracefully, but she just didn’t seem to get it. She was always finding a way to justify his behavior. But, the handwriting was on the way. Of course, I am a pretty good bit older than she is, and as the saying goes, “I been there and done that”. So, the break-up was no shock to me.

Well, I said all of that just to say this, “Wake up, ladies. Wake up.” Stop fooling yourselves. When he is not treating you the way that you should be treated…when he has checked out emotionally…when your heart starts whispering that he is being unfaithful…listen to your heart. Listen to your guts. Don’t close your eyes. See the handwriting on the way. Be aware that he is cheating. Be aware that he is getting ready to leave you. I recently wrote an eBook called, Hey Sista, Practical Advice for Women. It is sold on Amazon. In it, I give the warning signs of an impending break-up. Learn the signs. Watch the signs. Follow the signs. Guard your heart!

Best Break-up Songs

Best Songs to Listen to After a Break-Up

A broken heart takes time to heal. Crying is a great way to get rid of some of that pain and frustration. What better way to enjoy a good healthy cry than with a good break-up song? The following are some of  my favorite break-up songs to listen to:

*On My Own

This duet between Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald was released in 1986. This song was an instant hit. It tells of two lovers who have called it quits. Despite the agreed split, they are left mourning the loss of their relationship. And, like most lovers when the flames have burned out, they are left to ask “why did it end this way”.

*Total Eclipse of the Heart

This all time tear jerker was released in 1983 by Bonnie Tyler. This single became the singer’s greatest hit. Although the song doesn’t say that the couple has actually split, it does say that the singer is living in a state of total darkness. She says that she is tired of “listening to the sound of my tears”, and she even “gets a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by”.  These lyrics echo a grieving heart.

*White Flag

“White Flag” by Dido was released in September of 2003. The song is a part of her album “Life for Rent”. It tells the story of a woman that is determined not to give up on her relationship despite the mess that she had made of it. She declares that she “will go down with the ship…there will be not white flag above my door.”

*Better in Time

This sad song was released in March 2008. “Better in Time” is sung by Leona Lewis. It tells of someone who just can’t seem to forget their ex. The abandoned lover says that “it’s been the longest winter without you…See, somehow I can’t forget you.” This is definitely a song to play over and over again after a break-up because it reminds one that it will all get better in time.

*I’ll Always Love You

Whitney Houston’s “I’ll Always Love You” was released as part of the soundtrack to “The Bodyguard” in 1992.  This break-up song was originally written by Dolly Parton in 1973. In this melancholy song, the singer is deciding to walk away from the relationship. She wishes her ex well and declares that she will take “bittersweet memories” with her. It is one of the greatest break-up songs of all times.

Breaking up is never easy. Feeling lonely and sad are all a part of it. The songs listed above are some of the best break-up songs of all times.

Warnings Your Relationship Could Be Ending

Everyone’s been there.  You have a major fight with your partner and you wonder is it over.  Maybe it wasn’t just this fight.  Maybe there have been several lately.  So, what are the signs that your relationship is over?  Here are some of the warning signs that your relationship is in trouble:

Resentment

You find yourself resenting the other person.  This can happen when you or your partner feels misunderstood or unappreciated.  Each member of a relationship needs to know that they matter.  Recognize that each of your dreams and goals are important. Try telling your partner what is wrong.  They may not even realize there is one. Constant criticism and resentment can kill any relationship.

Old issues keep resurfacing

You find that you are both arguing about the same things over and over again.  By not resolving the old issues, you have allowed resentment to set in.  Once an issue is discussed and dealt with, it should not be revisited.  Move on.  Relationships cannot grow without progress. Bring up dead issues will only kill the relationship.

Lack of intimacy

Sure, you may still be having sex, but are you intimate with each other?  Intimacy includes touching, hugging, and kissing.  These simple things are the glue that holds any relationship together.  When they are gone, beware. Your relationship is not far behind.

Sex life suddenly changes

Does having sex with your partner seem like a chore?  Maybe it’s the other way around, and they seem like they are avoiding having sex with you.  A lagging libido can signal serious trouble. Avoiding sex can be a result of resentment, an affair, or the fact that one of you has check out emotionally.  Don’t withhold sex as a form of punishment.  This will only cause more resentment and push them further away.

Lack of communication

Communication is the foundation of any relationship.  It is by talking that you learn what matters to each other. If all you’re doing is arguing, then you are not actively listening. Nothing is being resolved.  Silence is also deadly. If there is no communication at all, the relationship is doomed.  You have to talk to your partner in order to find out what is wrong and how to fix it. 

Sudden change in work schedule

Has your partner’s work schedule changed suddenly?  Are they working more or have longer work hours?  This could mean one of three things.  One, there is the possibility of an affair.  Two, they are avoiding spending time with you.  Three, they may actually have had a sudden change in their work schedule.  Either way, it does not hurt to be observant and watch for other signs that working late is not truly working late.

Jealousy

Just because your partner exhibits signs of jealousy, it doesn’t always mean they are in madly in love with you.  This is one sure sign of infidelity.  It can also signal that they have lost confidence in your relationship. 

Thinking about life without them

If you find yourself fantasizing about a life without your partner, you have already emotionally left the relationship. Whether you’re in a marriage or another type of partnership, there has to be an emotional investment.  Once that investment is gone, there is nothing left.

Relationships take time and effort.  Disagreements are normal. However, if you find yourself experiencing any of the above signs, take the time and do an evaluation of your relationship. Chances are it’s headed for trouble.

Signs He is Thinking of Breaking Up with You

 

Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Has your relationship changed lately?  Does your boyfriend seem cold or distant?  You have alos noticed that the two of you are spending less and less time together, and you are beginning to wonder if maybe this is the end.  You would like to work things out, but you don’t know if he feels the same.  How do you know if your boyfriend is thinking about breaking up the relationship?  Look for the following signs.

*Avoidance

One of the first signs that your boyfriend is thinking about calling it quits is that he is spending less and less time with you.  In fact, he is avoiding you.  He won’t take your calls, and he goes out of his way to avoid the places that he knows you will be.  Your boyfriend is avoiding you because he no longer enjoys your company, and he just hasn’t gotten around to telling you yet that is over.

*Old issues keep surfacing

In order for a relationship to progress, you have to deal with issues that come up.  However, once an issue is dealt with, it should not continue to be a cause of tension in your relationship.  If your boyfriend is constantly bringing up old issues, he has not moved past the issue or he is looking for a convenient excuse to end your relationship.

*Resentment

Whether he says anything or not, you can tell there is still a lot of left-over resentment.  How can you tell?  For one, he is avoiding looking at you.  Next, he seems annoyed whenever you talk to him.  Although he may not have said anything, he is probably still holding in angry feelings. When resentment is unresolved, the relationship is in death throes.

*Affair

Your boyfriend suddenly starts putting in longer hours at work, and you may notice that he has become very secretive. He makes excuses to take calls in the other room.  You find strange numbers on his cell phone, and he won’t give you an explanation.  You question him about his new work habits or strange phone calls at odd hours, and he becomes angry and refuses to talk.  These are all the signs of an affair.  Although affairs can be worked through, they are a sign that something is wrong with the relationship, and he could have already picked out your replacement.

*Don’t talk anymore

The more a couple communicates the better their relationship is.  They are able to discuss any problems or other issues that may come up.  If you and your boyfriend have stopped talking look out. The end is near.  

*No intimacy

Your boyfriend no longer wants to be intimate. Intimacy is not always about sex.  It’s about spending time together and sharing. This emotional bonding is the glue that holds all relationships together. As human beings, people need to connect with one another.  If your boyfriend is not connecting with you, he is probably connecting emotionally with someone else.

*Decreased sex drive

Sex, like intimacy, is an important part of your relationship.  If he no longer wants to have sex with you, chances are good that he has found someone else to take care of that need for him.  Maybe you are still enjoying a decent sex life; however, you sense that something is not quite right.  He is physically with you, but emotionally distant. This can signal an affair and that your boyfriend is preparing to break-up with you. 

It is very rare that a break-up comes out of the blue.  Most of the time, the person doing the breaking-up has been thinking about it for a while, and if you are truly honest with yourself, there were warnings signs.  If your boyfriend is displaying any of the signs above, chances are he is planning on breaking-up with you. So, put on a brave face and have a heart to heart conversation with your boyfriend.