How Long Should You Wait for Him to Pop the Question?

How Long Should You Wait for Him to Pop the Question?

(This is my own personal opinion and personal experience. Each relationship is different. )

So, the two of you have been dating for a while…and, I do mean a while. He hasn’t asked you marry him yet even though you get along great. You like his family. His family likes you. He may have even told you that he loves you. You have waited anxiously Christmas after Christmas, birthday after birthday, and Valentine’s Day after Valentine’s Day. You may even be the mother of his child. The two of you may even be living together, so what is the hold-up? When will he pop the question?

Okay, ladies, let’s be honest with ourselves. Men are not like us. They don’t react emotionally. They react logically. They think things through and look at the bigger picture. Instead of worrying about love and spending eternity with us, they worry about paying bills and providing a good, stable home. So, just because he likes you, it doesn’t mean he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

Yes, you may have given him 10 or more good years. You may have devoted your life to helping him succeed. However, if the two of you have been dating for several years, and he hasn’t asked you yet, look out! He is probably still looking for “Mrs. Right”. What?! You thought it was you. Well, he may not think so.

What makes me say this? Simple. If the man wanted to marry you, he would have by now. Don’t fall for the excuse that he is just trying to establish his career or that he is trying to finish sowing his wild oat. Even if he isn’t aware of it, he is not quite satisfied with you.

How would I know? I spent 6 years of my life waiting on my high school sweetheart. Guess, what? As soon as we broke up, he married someone else within a year. I spent another 10 years waiting for the “Man of My Dreams” to wake up and realize that I was “The One”.  “Mister” still hasn’t woke up, but I have. I have watched countless women do the same thing. But, we don’t have to.

Do a reality check on your relationship. And, don’t be fooled. Just because he bought you the ring, it doesn’t guarantee that he will walk you down the aisle.

What can you do? Simple. Have a heart to heart talk with your man. Ask him about the future of your relationship. Is he thinking about settling down? Does he envision the two of you together when you are old?

If you are satisfied with just being his girlfriend, then great. Stop worrying and let the relationship take its course.

Don’t waste another minute on a dead-end relationship. Decide what you want and verbalize this in a non-threatening way to your partner.

How to Prepare for Divorce Emotinally

 

There are many reasons that a couple may grow apart. Although that rift can sometimes be fixed, there are other times when there is only one solution and that solution is divorce. A divorce can be emotionally devastating for both partners. Whether you were the one who initiated the divorce or the one to receive the devastating news, you will need to prepare yourself for the emotional turmoil that occurs with divorce proceedings.

*Find a good support system

Having a good support system is a must in order to prepare for a divorce. Don’t try to isolate yourself. Family and friends are vital during this emotional time.

*Rediscover yourself

Rediscover yourself. Now that you don’t have to concentrate on making your marriage work, you can once again pursue some of your old hobbies and interests. You should do all of the things that you never had a chance to do while you were busy with your marriage. Pursue careers interests that you have been longing to try. Just be sure that you don’t try to do too much at once. Take it slow. It will take time to adjust to being single again.

*Accept the divorce

One of the first that you will need to do is to accept the divorce. Your marriage has ended, and it may seem like time is standing still. It isn’t. You have to begin to move forward. Stay positive and remember that it doesn’t help to blame your spouse or yourself. Accept the divorce for what it is.

*Take care of yourself

Although it may be hard to concentrate on simple things like healthy eating and exercising during this time, this is just what you need to do. Spend some time concentrating on yourself and not your circumstances. Continue to eat right and get some exercise.  Don’t forget to pay attention to your appearance. Make sure that you are neat and well-groomed.

*Allow yourself to grieve

Allow yourself to feel. Realize that your feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration are normal.  You have just suffered a loss, and it is normal to grieve that loss. Crying is normal. So, don’t be afraid or ashamed to let it all out. The pain of losing your marriage can be scary, but dealing with it is a normal part of the healing process.

*Write about your feelings

Write down your feelings about the divorce. This will help you to release all the anger and frustration that you may be feeling. Talking about your feelings can be difficult, and there may be some issues that just seem too personal to share even with a friend. A diary is private and will allow you to express your feelings openly and honestly. Writing will also help you to put things into prospective. Realize that it is okay to write about the good aspects of your marriage as well as the bad.

*Prepare for questions about your soon-to-be ex-spouse

It is inevitable that there will be questions about your impending divorce and your future ex-spouse. When these questions pop up, it is imperative that you are prepared to answer them. Although you may be angry with your spouse, don’t allow that anger to color your words. There is a strong possibility that those words will be repeated. You can simply explain that things didn’t work out and the two of you decided to call it quits or you can choose not answer these questions. Explain that you are not comfortable answering questions about the state of your marriage or your soon-to-be-ex-spouse.

*Begin to remove painful reminders

 Begin to pack away reminders of your spouse. You don’t have to throw them away. Just put them somewhere out of sight. Remove any of his or her old clothes from the closet. It is also okay to arrange a time for your soon-to-be ex to pick up their things or arrange to have a friend deliver the items to them. Don’t burn all of those pictures you two took together. Take them down and pack them away. If these pictures are of the two of you and your children, it is okay to keep them up.

Coping with a divorce is hard, but it can be done. Begin to prepare yourself for all the emotions and questions that your up-coming divorce will bring. Find a good support system and begin to rediscover some of the interests that you had before you married your spouse.

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Warnings Your Relationship Could Be Ending

Everyone’s been there.  You have a major fight with your partner and you wonder is it over.  Maybe it wasn’t just this fight.  Maybe there have been several lately.  So, what are the signs that your relationship is over?  Here are some of the warning signs that your relationship is in trouble:

Resentment

You find yourself resenting the other person.  This can happen when you or your partner feels misunderstood or unappreciated.  Each member of a relationship needs to know that they matter.  Recognize that each of your dreams and goals are important. Try telling your partner what is wrong.  They may not even realize there is one. Constant criticism and resentment can kill any relationship.

Old issues keep resurfacing

You find that you are both arguing about the same things over and over again.  By not resolving the old issues, you have allowed resentment to set in.  Once an issue is discussed and dealt with, it should not be revisited.  Move on.  Relationships cannot grow without progress. Bring up dead issues will only kill the relationship.

Lack of intimacy

Sure, you may still be having sex, but are you intimate with each other?  Intimacy includes touching, hugging, and kissing.  These simple things are the glue that holds any relationship together.  When they are gone, beware. Your relationship is not far behind.

Sex life suddenly changes

Does having sex with your partner seem like a chore?  Maybe it’s the other way around, and they seem like they are avoiding having sex with you.  A lagging libido can signal serious trouble. Avoiding sex can be a result of resentment, an affair, or the fact that one of you has check out emotionally.  Don’t withhold sex as a form of punishment.  This will only cause more resentment and push them further away.

Lack of communication

Communication is the foundation of any relationship.  It is by talking that you learn what matters to each other. If all you’re doing is arguing, then you are not actively listening. Nothing is being resolved.  Silence is also deadly. If there is no communication at all, the relationship is doomed.  You have to talk to your partner in order to find out what is wrong and how to fix it. 

Sudden change in work schedule

Has your partner’s work schedule changed suddenly?  Are they working more or have longer work hours?  This could mean one of three things.  One, there is the possibility of an affair.  Two, they are avoiding spending time with you.  Three, they may actually have had a sudden change in their work schedule.  Either way, it does not hurt to be observant and watch for other signs that working late is not truly working late.

Jealousy

Just because your partner exhibits signs of jealousy, it doesn’t always mean they are in madly in love with you.  This is one sure sign of infidelity.  It can also signal that they have lost confidence in your relationship. 

Thinking about life without them

If you find yourself fantasizing about a life without your partner, you have already emotionally left the relationship. Whether you’re in a marriage or another type of partnership, there has to be an emotional investment.  Once that investment is gone, there is nothing left.

Relationships take time and effort.  Disagreements are normal. However, if you find yourself experiencing any of the above signs, take the time and do an evaluation of your relationship. Chances are it’s headed for trouble.

Signs He is Thinking of Breaking Up with You

 

Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Has your relationship changed lately?  Does your boyfriend seem cold or distant?  You have alos noticed that the two of you are spending less and less time together, and you are beginning to wonder if maybe this is the end.  You would like to work things out, but you don’t know if he feels the same.  How do you know if your boyfriend is thinking about breaking up the relationship?  Look for the following signs.

*Avoidance

One of the first signs that your boyfriend is thinking about calling it quits is that he is spending less and less time with you.  In fact, he is avoiding you.  He won’t take your calls, and he goes out of his way to avoid the places that he knows you will be.  Your boyfriend is avoiding you because he no longer enjoys your company, and he just hasn’t gotten around to telling you yet that is over.

*Old issues keep surfacing

In order for a relationship to progress, you have to deal with issues that come up.  However, once an issue is dealt with, it should not continue to be a cause of tension in your relationship.  If your boyfriend is constantly bringing up old issues, he has not moved past the issue or he is looking for a convenient excuse to end your relationship.

*Resentment

Whether he says anything or not, you can tell there is still a lot of left-over resentment.  How can you tell?  For one, he is avoiding looking at you.  Next, he seems annoyed whenever you talk to him.  Although he may not have said anything, he is probably still holding in angry feelings. When resentment is unresolved, the relationship is in death throes.

*Affair

Your boyfriend suddenly starts putting in longer hours at work, and you may notice that he has become very secretive. He makes excuses to take calls in the other room.  You find strange numbers on his cell phone, and he won’t give you an explanation.  You question him about his new work habits or strange phone calls at odd hours, and he becomes angry and refuses to talk.  These are all the signs of an affair.  Although affairs can be worked through, they are a sign that something is wrong with the relationship, and he could have already picked out your replacement.

*Don’t talk anymore

The more a couple communicates the better their relationship is.  They are able to discuss any problems or other issues that may come up.  If you and your boyfriend have stopped talking look out. The end is near.  

*No intimacy

Your boyfriend no longer wants to be intimate. Intimacy is not always about sex.  It’s about spending time together and sharing. This emotional bonding is the glue that holds all relationships together. As human beings, people need to connect with one another.  If your boyfriend is not connecting with you, he is probably connecting emotionally with someone else.

*Decreased sex drive

Sex, like intimacy, is an important part of your relationship.  If he no longer wants to have sex with you, chances are good that he has found someone else to take care of that need for him.  Maybe you are still enjoying a decent sex life; however, you sense that something is not quite right.  He is physically with you, but emotionally distant. This can signal an affair and that your boyfriend is preparing to break-up with you. 

It is very rare that a break-up comes out of the blue.  Most of the time, the person doing the breaking-up has been thinking about it for a while, and if you are truly honest with yourself, there were warnings signs.  If your boyfriend is displaying any of the signs above, chances are he is planning on breaking-up with you. So, put on a brave face and have a heart to heart conversation with your boyfriend.