There
are many reasons that a couple may grow apart. Although that rift can sometimes
be fixed, there are other times when there is only one solution and that solution
is divorce. A divorce can be emotionally devastating for both partners. Whether
you were the one who initiated the divorce or the one to receive the
devastating news, you will need to prepare yourself for the emotional turmoil
that occurs with divorce proceedings.
*Find a good support
system
Having
a good support system is a must in order to prepare for a divorce. Don’t try to
isolate yourself. Family and friends are vital during this emotional time.
*Rediscover yourself
Rediscover
yourself. Now that you don’t have to concentrate on making your marriage work,
you can once again pursue some of your old hobbies and interests. You should do
all of the things that you never had a chance to do while you were busy with
your marriage. Pursue careers interests that you have been longing to try. Just
be sure that you don’t try to do too much at once. Take it slow. It will take
time to adjust to being single again.
*Accept the divorce
One
of the first that you will need to do is to accept the divorce. Your marriage
has ended, and it may seem like time is standing still. It isn’t. You have to
begin to move forward. Stay positive and remember that it doesn’t help to blame
your spouse or yourself. Accept the divorce for what it is.
*Take care of yourself
Although
it may be hard to concentrate on simple things like healthy eating and
exercising during this time, this is just what you need to do. Spend some time
concentrating on yourself and not your circumstances. Continue to eat right and
get some exercise. Don’t forget to pay attention to your appearance. Make sure that
you are neat and well-groomed.
*Allow yourself to
grieve
Allow yourself to feel. Realize
that your feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration are normal. You have just suffered a loss, and it is
normal to grieve that loss. Crying is normal. So, don’t be afraid or ashamed to
let it all out. The pain of losing your marriage can be scary, but dealing with
it is a normal part of the healing process.
*Write
about your feelings
Write down your feelings about the
divorce. This will help you to release all the anger and frustration that you
may be feeling. Talking about your feelings can be difficult, and there may be
some issues that just seem too personal to share even with a friend. A diary is
private and will allow you to express your feelings openly and honestly.
Writing will also help you to put things into prospective. Realize that it is
okay to write about the good aspects of your marriage as well as the bad.
*Prepare for questions
about your soon-to-be ex-spouse
It
is inevitable that there will be questions about your impending divorce and
your future ex-spouse. When these questions pop up, it is imperative that you
are prepared to answer them. Although you may be angry with your spouse, don’t
allow that anger to color your words. There is a strong possibility that those
words will be repeated. You can simply explain that things didn’t work out and
the two of you decided to call it quits or you can choose not answer these
questions. Explain that you are not comfortable answering questions about the
state of your marriage or your soon-to-be-ex-spouse.
*Begin
to remove painful reminders
Begin to pack away reminders of your spouse.
You don’t have to throw them away. Just put them somewhere out of sight. Remove
any of his or her old clothes from the closet. It is also okay to arrange a
time for your soon-to-be ex to pick up their things or arrange to have a friend
deliver the items to them. Don’t burn all of those pictures you two took
together. Take them down and pack them away. If these pictures are of the two
of you and your children, it is okay to keep them up.
Coping
with a divorce is hard, but it can be done. Begin to prepare yourself for all
the emotions and questions that your up-coming divorce will bring. Find a good
support system and begin to rediscover some of the interests that you had
before you married your spouse.
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