How Long Should You Wait for Him to Pop the Question?

How Long Should You Wait for Him to Pop the Question?

(This is my own personal opinion and personal experience. Each relationship is different. )

So, the two of you have been dating for a while…and, I do mean a while. He hasn’t asked you marry him yet even though you get along great. You like his family. His family likes you. He may have even told you that he loves you. You have waited anxiously Christmas after Christmas, birthday after birthday, and Valentine’s Day after Valentine’s Day. You may even be the mother of his child. The two of you may even be living together, so what is the hold-up? When will he pop the question?

Okay, ladies, let’s be honest with ourselves. Men are not like us. They don’t react emotionally. They react logically. They think things through and look at the bigger picture. Instead of worrying about love and spending eternity with us, they worry about paying bills and providing a good, stable home. So, just because he likes you, it doesn’t mean he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

Yes, you may have given him 10 or more good years. You may have devoted your life to helping him succeed. However, if the two of you have been dating for several years, and he hasn’t asked you yet, look out! He is probably still looking for “Mrs. Right”. What?! You thought it was you. Well, he may not think so.

What makes me say this? Simple. If the man wanted to marry you, he would have by now. Don’t fall for the excuse that he is just trying to establish his career or that he is trying to finish sowing his wild oat. Even if he isn’t aware of it, he is not quite satisfied with you.

How would I know? I spent 6 years of my life waiting on my high school sweetheart. Guess, what? As soon as we broke up, he married someone else within a year. I spent another 10 years waiting for the “Man of My Dreams” to wake up and realize that I was “The One”.  “Mister” still hasn’t woke up, but I have. I have watched countless women do the same thing. But, we don’t have to.

Do a reality check on your relationship. And, don’t be fooled. Just because he bought you the ring, it doesn’t guarantee that he will walk you down the aisle.

What can you do? Simple. Have a heart to heart talk with your man. Ask him about the future of your relationship. Is he thinking about settling down? Does he envision the two of you together when you are old?

If you are satisfied with just being his girlfriend, then great. Stop worrying and let the relationship take its course.

Don’t waste another minute on a dead-end relationship. Decide what you want and verbalize this in a non-threatening way to your partner.

5 Simple Ways to Make Time for Your Mate

 

With all the pressures of everyday living, finding time to spend with your significant other can be difficult. However, it is not impossible. Don’t let a busy schedule destroy your relationship. The following five tips can help you make time for your mate.

*Share Chores

Make use of every opportunity. When you get home from work, don’t just head straight for the couch or for that pile of dishes sitting in the sink. Turn chores into together time. Fix dinner together. Wash dishes together. Be sure to touch each other often while working together. And, don’t forget that bath time can exciting too. So, take a quick shower together.

*Make Lunch Special

Lunch break doesn’t have to be a boring affair. It can become an exotic delight if the two of you work close to home or close enough to spend it together. Schedule a lunch date. Spend that time talking or skip lunch, head home, and enjoy each other.

*Become Early Birds or Night Owls

If you relationship is important to you, then be willing to make a few sacrifices. Set your alarm a few minutes earlier or reschedule bedtime. Spend an extra fifteen to thirty minutes with your partner simply talking or touching. 

*Don’t forget to Communicate

So, you are always busy or the two of you keep missing each other. It is amazing just how important communicate is. Pick up the phone and give your mate a call. And, do call just to discuss the children or complain about work. Liven up that phone conversation by telling him or her how much you want them. Tell them what you find attractive about them.  If you don’t feel comfortable talking sexy on the phone, simply let your mate know that you love them and that you are thinking about them.

* Schedule Time Together

Be sure to pencil your partner in on your busy schedule. They are just as important as that next business meeting. Set aside time each day to spend with them. It can be a regular “date night” or something as simple as a special dinner. Surprising them with your romantic gestures is great, but if they have a busy schedule like you do, you might want to let them know what your plans are so that they don’t plan something else during this time.

Don’t let a busy lifestyle ruin your relationship. Make your mate a priority. Find simple ways to stay connected with them.

Dating Ideas for Fall

The hot and humid days of summer have given way to the cooler days of autumn.  As the earth changes her colors, now is a great time to plan a date that allows you to appreciate nature’s beauty and great weather. The following are dating ideas for the fall season.

Pumpkin patch

As the fall holidays approach, picking and decorating pumpkins together can be fun. So, plan a visit to your local pumpkin patch.  Pick out some pumpkins together. Head home with your pumpkins and carve them for the holiday. And, don’t throw those seeds away. You can roast them for a great snack.

Hayride

Fall is a great time of year to go for a hayride. You can opt to decorate your own wagon or tractor and have a friend chauffeur the two of you or you can schedule a hayride with a group.

Bonfire on the beach

Sitting around a large bonfire on the beach at night can be romantic. Gather some kindling, long logs, and a pack of matches. And, don’t forget the blankets and hot cocoa.

Park

The park is still a nice date location even in the fall. You can have a picnic, feed the ducks together, enjoy a concert, or some of the other great fall events.

Nature walks

Nature walks are great dating ideas for the fall season. You can go for a nature walk in the park or at one of the national parks in your area. You can even observe the local wildlife while on your walk together. Be sure to plan ahead and pack everything that you might need for your nature walk like a map, bottled water, wipes, a camera, and a communication devise. 

Football games

As cooler weather sets in, so does football season. If your date loves sports, then a football game is a perfect place for a fall date. You get to cheer for your favorite team while enjoying time together. If the weather is crisp, be sure to pack a blanket for snuggling up.

Go apple picking

Take your date apple picking. Plan a tour of a local orchard. You and your date can even help to make some apple cider or apple butter.

Halloween date

 Halloween is just around the corner. So, why not plan a Halloween date your partner will never forget. Take your loved one on a tour of a haunted house.

Autumn provides a beautiful canvas for couples. Plan a date that allows you and your partner to enjoy each other and the weather.

How to Get Rid of Persistant Suitors

 

How to Handle Pushy Suitors

He has bought you flowers, called constantly, and pledged his undying love, but you are not interested. You have tried to drop hints, but he doesn’t seem to be taking them.  As a matter of fact, the whole thing is starting to get on your nerves. Push suitors can be annoying. So, how do you let them down without hurting their feelings?

Be upfront but kind

Tell him or her the truth.  Kindly let them know that you are just not interested in having a relationship with them.  Discourage any further gifts or annoying calls.  Saying, “I’m not interested right now,” will only give them the impression that there is a chance for them in the near future. If you don’t feel that this will happen, it is better to simply tell them that they are not your type and end it at that.

Remember to be firm

Some people take kindness for weakness.  Be firm when you say “no”.  Don’t give them the impression that calling you at a later time is okay.  Make sure they understand that you will not change your mind simply because they continue to send you gifts.  Of course, be nice, but make sure they know that “no” means “no”.

Let others know what is going on:

Hopefully, you are not dealing with a stalker, but some suitors feel free to invite themselves to your job and/or home. In this event, be sure to let your friends and family know what is going on.  It is scary to think that someone who has a crush on you could be dangerous, but it can happen. Be safe and take precautions. Let your friends help run interference. Try not to be caught off somewhere alone with this person.  Even if they are not dangerous, it is so easy to get talked into doing something you really don’t want to do. Having a friend or family member around can help you out of a tight spot.

Avoidance

If all else fails, avoid them. Don’t accept their gifts.  Don’t take calls from them.  If you need to, change up your routine. Take a different route to work. Shop at another store. Hopefully, after a short time, they will get the hint.

 Everyone likes a little attention but not when it comes from someone you are not interested in. Letting an unwanted, pushy suitor down easy can be tricky.  Play it safe by letting your friends and family know what is going. Be kind but firm.

Finding a Date in a Rural Area

 

Dating is Not Impossible Even in a Small Town

There are several great things about living in a rural area.  Nothing can beat the personal feel of knowing your neighbors or the wide open countryside.  What is not so great is trying to find a companion if you’re single. Living in a rural area can make finding a date challenging, but if you are creative, there are ways to do just that.

*Sporting Events

Men love sports.  It doesn’t matter where they live.  There are parks, clubs, and other places where there is always some type of game going on.  A smart woman knows that showing up at a basketball, baseball, or football game is in her best interest.  Dressing appropriately is common sense, but in order to find a date, it is important to wear something that will attract attention.  A woman must remember that most men actually came to the sporting event to watch the game, so she must wear something that will both fit in and stand out.

Sports events are also a place where men can meet single women.  Some women actually enjoy watching sports while other have children or family members who play. In rural areas, men who are looking for a dating companion can start their search at a sporting event.

*Volunteer Work

Doing volunteer work is another way to find a date in a rural area. The key is to strategically place one’s self where they are most likely to meet a companion. Women can volunteer at places like coal plants, hospitals, schools, police stations, or fire stations. Men can volunteer at schools, hospitals, or any other place where a lot of women work. By volunteering, a person can put their face out there. It’s amazing how many people you can meet by doing this.

*Church Events

Church events provide opportunities to meet other singles.  Some churches host ‘Singles’ Night’ where single Christians can meet.  Even without the designated ‘Singles’ Night’, there are always single people at church. The church picnic or dance is a great place to strike up a conversation with a person who has caught your interests.

*Go to the Movies

Not everyone brings a date to the movies.  Some people go alone because they don’t have a date or they really want to see the movie. In a rural area, going to the movies can provide another opportunity to meet other single people. 

*Friends

Most people have friends, and chances are those friends know other single people. If you let them know that you are looking for a date, they can help suggest other single people. They can also provide information about any potential dates. In a rural area, chances are good that one of your friends personally knows the person you might be interested in. They can find out if the other person might be interested in you.

*Internet

Thanks to the internet, the world is your oyster. You can connect to anyone anywhere.  There are a lot of dating websites that can help you find mates in your area.  Don’t hesitate to use this valuable resource.

*Malls

Shopping malls attract a large variety of people.  They provide a place to shop and a place to meet potential dates.  Make it a point to frequent the stores that cater to the type of person you are look for.  Shoe stores and sporting goods stores will attract men while lingerie stores like Victoria Secrets will attract women.  You can also stroll through department stores like JCPenney, Dillard’s, and Belk. Be sure to browse through the men’s or women’s departments.  Strike up a conversation with someone who interests you, and see how it goes.

Finding a date in a rural area can be challenging, but it is not impossible. It just takes some creativity and strategic thinking.

Why Won't He Make the First Move?!

 

He likes you. You know he does. He flirts with you and shows all the signs of wanting to be with you. However, he has not asked you out- yet. He hasn’t even asked for your phone number. Even if he has, he still hasn’t called. So, what is the problem? Why won’t he make the first move?

He is shy

He is too shy to initiate contact with you. Even though he would like to be with you, he is just too scared to make a move. If this is the case, you will have to be the one to initiate all contact until he is more comfortable with you.

You are out of his league

You can’t believe it. He likes you. You like him. You smile. He smiles. You “accidentally” brush up against him. He turns all red in the face. But, he won’t say a word. You know he is not shy. You are cute. You know you are. In fact, other guys are falling all over you. So, what is the problem? Sadly, if you are too popular, too cute, or too exciting, this guy may think that you are out of his league. Because you can have any other guy you want, he may feel that he doesn’t stand a chance. So, to keep his heart from being broken, he has decided to just watch from the sidelines.

Worried about his friends

Okay, so you are not considered to be all that popular. You are not a male magnate. However, you are a nice person, and some guys would even call you cute. Despite your shortcomings, he likes you. He goes out of his way to help you. And, when the two of you are alone, he jokes with you a lot. But, whenever other people are around, he only smiles. What is the deal? The deal is that he is afraid of what his friends will say. It doesn’t matter if he is seventeen or thirty, men do care what their friends think. Although he likes you, he still may not ask you out or talk to you for fear of what his friends may think. What should you do if you feel that this is the case? Move on. If he really likes you, he will stand up to his friends and fight for you.

He already has a girlfriend

The two of you have exchanged phone numbers. You have called him several times, and he sounds glad to hear from you. The two of you send sexy text messages like crazy. The problem is he hasn’t called you. You are doing all of the calling. He answers your texts, but you have to text him first. You don’t want to hear this. None of us do, and we all hope that it is not true. However, there is a strong possibility that your crush is already involved with someone else. This is not to say that he doesn’t like you. It simply means that he is already in a committed relationship, and he is not willing to let it go at the moment. So, how do you know? Simple. Ask him if he is dating someone. If he is really serious about his girlfriend, he will let you know that his is already involved.

Men have many different reasons for hesitating to initiate contact. However, the reasons listed above are some of the main ones.

Signs You are Attracted to Someone You Hate

You don’t like them. You find this person annoying and obnoxious, and you hate the ground they walk on. Well, at least, you think you do. To be honest, you are not so sure. Although this person gets on our last nerve, you find yourself thinking about them all the time. So, how do you know if you are falling for the person you hate?

Increased Heart Rate

Does your heart seem to pound in your chest whenever you are near this person? Does your breath catch in your throat at the mention of their name? If you find that your heart rate increases every time you see this person, chances are good that you have fallen in love with your enemy.

Perspiration

Do you find yourself sweating whenever this person is around? Are your armpits wet? One of the main signs of attraction is nervousness. And, nervousness can lead to perspiration. Like it or not, you are sexually attracted to the person you claim to hate.

Dreaming About Them              

Do you hate this person so much that they are starting to invade your thoughts? Do you find yourself thinking about them even when you are asleep? If the answer is “yes”, then this is a sign that this has become a love/hate relationship.

Longing to See Them

Do you make petty excuses to check up on them? Do you find yourself cruising by their house or by their job? Although you dislike this person, you find yourself looking for him or her all the time. If your day is not complete until you see the object of your distain, then chances are good that you have fallen in love.

Jealousy

Do you find yourself angry when your enemy is with someone else? Do you secretly long to destroy their relationships? If you find that the green-eyed monster called jealousy shows up every time this person is with someone else, this is a sign that you are in love.

Becoming an Idiot

Do you find yourself stuttering, blushing, or dropping things when the person you despise is in close proximity to you? These are also a signs of sexual attraction. So, if you become a blundering idiot every time your enemy shows up, it is time to stop kidding yourself. You are in love.

There is a thin line between love and hate. If you have any of the symptoms listed above, you have definitely cross the line.

How Can You Tell He Wants to AskYou Out?

Signs He Wants to Ask You Out

You have met a guy that you think is attractive. You really like him, but you are wondering if he feels the same way. We have all been there. So, how do you know if he wants to ask you out or if he just wants to be friends? The following are things that I have noticed when a guy wants to ask you out. 

Showing Off

In nature, it is the male of the species that has to convince the female to mate with them. Male birds have colorful feathers. And, other male animals must have to fight in order to earn the right to mate. Human males may not have to actually fight in order to win a female, but they do tend to show off when they are trying to impress a woman. So, if the guy in question is constantly showing off or bragging, he is trying to impress you.

Small Gifts

Does this guy give you small, unexpected gifts? Does he leave you sweet messages or memos? If he does, this could be another sign that he is interested in you.

Helping Out

Another way a guy will let you know that he is interested in you is by helping out. He will offer to help with your bags, tote things to your car, or offer to help you finish important assignments. If he is always around when you need a hand, chances are good that he wants to be more than friends.

Discouraging other Males

Men are naturally territorial. Just like animals in nature mark their territory, so do human males. If you discover that his guy has been discouraging other guy from asking you out, it is because je wants to ask you out himself.

Unexpected Visits

Does this guy make excuses to see you? Does he stop by your desk or job just to say “Hello” or to deliver messages that could have waited? If he is going out of his way to see you, he is trying to let you know that he is interested in you.

Includes You in Important Decisions

Does this guy ask your opinion about important issues? Does he include you in the decision making process? If he does, this is his way of letting you know that your opinion is important to him.

Accidental Touching

Does this guy seem to always “accidentally” touching your arms, hands, shoulders, or hair? Touching is a sure sign of attraction. If he is constantly finding excuses to touch you, he is definitely attracted to you and he wants to ask you out.

Stop wondering if he is attracted to you or if you are just imagining things. The above are signs that he wants to ask you out.

A Black Man's Guide to Recognizing a Good Black Woman

Black men: Guide to Recognizing a Good Black Woman

Many men complain that they can’t find a good woman.  This is not true. There are good women out there. The trick is to know what to look for in a woman in the first place. So, what traits should a good black man look for in a woman?

#1: Provider

Yes, you-the black man- should be the provider of the family. However, a good black woman is willing to pitch in and help out. No, you shouldn’t be looking for a woman to take care of you, but you should be looking for one who will help make sure that the family is taken care of. She will help provide for the emotional, physical, and financial needs of the family. How do you know if the woman you are dating is a provider? Observe her. Watch how she treats her parents, her children, or her friends.

#2: Dependable

A good black woman is dependable. Her family can rely on her to have food on the table and to be there even when times are hard. She doesn’t leave you or the family holding the bag.  If the woman you are currently dating is already showing signs that she is unreliable, it may be time to mark her off of your list of potential mates.

#3: Trustworthy

Can you trust the woman you are dating? Can you leave town for weeks or even months without having to worry about her cheating on you? If you give her bill money, does she actually pay the bill? Stop and think about it.

#4: Caring

A good black woman is caring. She is concerned about you. She often inquires about your health. She wants to know how your family is doing. She cares about her community and her country.

#5: Financially responsible

When I say “financially responsible”, I am not talking just about a woman with an excellent credit report. I am talking about a woman who knows how to manage her money. She is not a shopaholic. She knows how to stretch her dollar, and how to plan financially for the future.  This woman will not keep you or herself in debt. If she has made some mistakes in the past, she has identified them and is working through them. So, make sure that you discuss finances with your potential mate before the wedding.

#6: Resolved old issues

A good black woman has resolved any issues from her past relationships. She is not bitter or resentful. She is not fussing or nagging all the time. She has let go of the attitude. And, she has learned to trust a black man and how to elevate and praise him.

So, guy, if you are wondering about the woman you are dating, just do a little inventory.