Knights In Shining Armor

 

Knights in Shining Armor

I can remember reading all those fairytales as a child. I can remember reading about the princess or damsel in distress and the wonderful, knight in shining armor coming to rescue her. I believed those stories and wanted to be rescued. My most of my young life I believed that a man could solve my problems. I kept thinking, “If I can just get married…I would have someone to help me pay these bills.  I would have someone to come home to…someone to talk to about my problems…someone to help me raise my kids.”

Praise God, I have finally woke up. I no longer center my life around my wedding~which has not come~but around what I can do for myself. I look to my own resources. I realize that even if there was a man here, it doesn’t mean that I will have the financial help that I have been longing for or the person to listen to my problems or the person to be here with me raising my children. I am not saying I will never marry, but I am so glad that I realize marriage is not everything. There are no knights in shining armor. Men have problems too. Marriage is a compromise. It would not be all about me and my needs. So, to all those women who are still unconsciously looking for a man to rescue them, I would like to say “Wake up!” Face reality. That man that you are waiting on to save you, maybe waiting on you to save him.

Build yourself up. Don’t spend your life looking for Mr. Right. To be honest, there is no Mr. Right. There are men who are more compatible with us than others. Learn to love yourself. Learn to be happy with the woman that you are. Before you know it, the man who is right for you will show up (if that is what you want).

So, good-bye Cinderella. Good luck Snow White. Good night Sleeping Beauty. No more kissing frogs, Tiana. I am doing just fine.

How to Make Your Relationship Work When Your Family Hates Your Partner

 

Surviving Your Family

You love your family and friends, and you know they only want what is best for you. So, when they hate your partner it can leave you feeling hurt and disillusioned.  No matter how much you try you just can’t seem to understand where this hatred came from.  Although it may be difficult, a relationship can survive even though your family hates your partner. Here’s how.

*Identify the problem

If at all possible, try to discover the cause of the animosity. Your family loves you, and there is a reason that they dislike your partner.  Try to help your family and your mate work through all of their differences. However, don’t get upset if the conflict is not resolved immediately.

*Give it time

You will not be able to change your family’s mind over night. It will take time for your family to get to know your companion like you do.  Time may soften your family’s heart and correct whatever issues that may have caused the rift to begin with.

*Point out the good

You should make every effort to remind your friends and family of your partner’s good points.  You have been privileged to see a side of your mate that your family hasn’t.  Point out the special things about your companion. Try to create opportunities for your family and friends to bond with your partner. 

*Set boundaries

Disgruntle family members can cause a lot of problems in your relationship if boundaries are not set. Set boundaries and define limits from the beginning.   Let your family and friends know what is acceptable and what is not. They are your family, but that does not give them an all access pass into your personal affairs.

*Demand respect

Do not allow your family to disrespect your partner.  Demand respect for yourself and your relationship. Do not allow them to berate your partner in front of you, and don’t allow them to disrespect your partner in his or her presence. Define the type of behavior that counts as disrespect. Let your family know you value their opinion; however, you are able to make decisions for yourself.

*Split your time

Split your time between your family and your partner.  Don’t feel pressured to give one more time than the other.  Let your partner and your family know that you love them, but you will not be forced to choose between them.

You love your family, and they love you. You want to please them, so it can be hard to make a relationship work when they hate your partner. However, you are the deciding factor in your own relationship. 
http://www.livestrong.com/article/218474-how-to-cope-with-family-conflict/
http://www.positive-way.comsetting_boundaries.htm
 

Signs Your Wife Maybe Cheating on You

 

She’s been sweet lately-a little too sweet.  Ever though everything seems okay, you just can’t seem to shake that feeling that something isn’t right with your wife.  How do you know if your wife is cheating on you?  Look for the following signs:

*Change in appearance

Have you noticed that your wife suddenly looks better?  Is she taking a lot more care with her clothes and make-up than usual? There is a possibility she has just been getting fashion tips from a friend, but not likely.  When a woman begins to take a new founded interest in her appearance, chances are someone has found some interest in her and that someone is not you.

*New perfume

Does your wife smell different?   Is she trying out new perfume?  When a woman begins a new love affair, she will often want to look good and smell good.  There is nothing wrong with wearing perfume, but if she suddenly starts wearing it to work or wearing a new fragrance, this could be a sign that she is wearing it for someone else.

*Jealousy

Men are not the only ones to fall victim to the greened monster called jealousy.  Women are also guilty of being jealous.  A little jealousy is normal.  A lot of jealousy is a warning sign of a guilty conscious.  If you notice that your wife has suddenly become jealous of you, watch out.  Often a person who is cheating will project their own guilt onto their spouse.  They will begin to watch for signs that the spouse is doing the same thing that they are. 

*New Work Schedule

A change in work schedule is not a sure sign, but it is a sign.  If your wife is suddenly working longer hours and spending more time at work, you might want to find out what is going on. She might not actually be working late.  Your wife could be using this excuse to spend time with her new lover.

*Overly Nice

You and your wife use to occasionally bicker and fight.  Now, your wife is overly nice and compliant. Sure, it is good to agree, and you like it when things are going smoothly. However, your wife could be being compliant because she feels guilty about her affair. Men who are cheating like to give their wife “guilt gifts”. Women may not give actually gifts.  They simply pretend to be more loving and check out of the relationship emotionally. If your wife has stopped talking to you, she has started talking to someone else. A marriage must have communication in order to survive.

*Change in sexual habits

Everyone has their own sexual personality.  As a couple, you have learned your wife’s and she has learned yours.  Is she suddenly more excited or more adventurous?  It’s nice to think that this new behavior is just because she loves you, but it could be that she has acquired theses new techniques from someone new.

Maybe, she is suddenly avoiding having sex all together.  Women connect sex with emotional intimacy.  If a woman has disconnected with you emotionally, she will also want to disconnect sexually. 

*Change in attitude of her co-workers

Have you noticed a change in her co-workers’ attitude toward you?  Do they seem to be acting suspicious or even ignoring you?  This could be because they are aware of the affair. 

*Being secretive

Affairs are dirty little secrets.  If your wife is cheating, she will become secretive.  Have you noticed her taking phone calls in the other room?  Is her phone ringing at strange hours? Does one of her friends call more often and she suddenly has to rush out? These could be signs that she is carrying on a love affair.

Women, like men, cheat for many different reasons.  No matter what the reason may be, women do cheat, and they do display tell-tale signs of infidelity.  If you notice a combination of the signs listed above, then it’s time to have a heart to heart talk with your spouse.

Best Break-up Songs

Best Songs to Listen to After a Break-Up

A broken heart takes time to heal. Crying is a great way to get rid of some of that pain and frustration. What better way to enjoy a good healthy cry than with a good break-up song? The following are some of  my favorite break-up songs to listen to:

*On My Own

This duet between Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald was released in 1986. This song was an instant hit. It tells of two lovers who have called it quits. Despite the agreed split, they are left mourning the loss of their relationship. And, like most lovers when the flames have burned out, they are left to ask “why did it end this way”.

*Total Eclipse of the Heart

This all time tear jerker was released in 1983 by Bonnie Tyler. This single became the singer’s greatest hit. Although the song doesn’t say that the couple has actually split, it does say that the singer is living in a state of total darkness. She says that she is tired of “listening to the sound of my tears”, and she even “gets a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by”.  These lyrics echo a grieving heart.

*White Flag

“White Flag” by Dido was released in September of 2003. The song is a part of her album “Life for Rent”. It tells the story of a woman that is determined not to give up on her relationship despite the mess that she had made of it. She declares that she “will go down with the ship…there will be not white flag above my door.”

*Better in Time

This sad song was released in March 2008. “Better in Time” is sung by Leona Lewis. It tells of someone who just can’t seem to forget their ex. The abandoned lover says that “it’s been the longest winter without you…See, somehow I can’t forget you.” This is definitely a song to play over and over again after a break-up because it reminds one that it will all get better in time.

*I’ll Always Love You

Whitney Houston’s “I’ll Always Love You” was released as part of the soundtrack to “The Bodyguard” in 1992.  This break-up song was originally written by Dolly Parton in 1973. In this melancholy song, the singer is deciding to walk away from the relationship. She wishes her ex well and declares that she will take “bittersweet memories” with her. It is one of the greatest break-up songs of all times.

Breaking up is never easy. Feeling lonely and sad are all a part of it. The songs listed above are some of the best break-up songs of all times.

Finding a Date in a Rural Area

 

Dating is Not Impossible Even in a Small Town

There are several great things about living in a rural area.  Nothing can beat the personal feel of knowing your neighbors or the wide open countryside.  What is not so great is trying to find a companion if you’re single. Living in a rural area can make finding a date challenging, but if you are creative, there are ways to do just that.

*Sporting Events

Men love sports.  It doesn’t matter where they live.  There are parks, clubs, and other places where there is always some type of game going on.  A smart woman knows that showing up at a basketball, baseball, or football game is in her best interest.  Dressing appropriately is common sense, but in order to find a date, it is important to wear something that will attract attention.  A woman must remember that most men actually came to the sporting event to watch the game, so she must wear something that will both fit in and stand out.

Sports events are also a place where men can meet single women.  Some women actually enjoy watching sports while other have children or family members who play. In rural areas, men who are looking for a dating companion can start their search at a sporting event.

*Volunteer Work

Doing volunteer work is another way to find a date in a rural area. The key is to strategically place one’s self where they are most likely to meet a companion. Women can volunteer at places like coal plants, hospitals, schools, police stations, or fire stations. Men can volunteer at schools, hospitals, or any other place where a lot of women work. By volunteering, a person can put their face out there. It’s amazing how many people you can meet by doing this.

*Church Events

Church events provide opportunities to meet other singles.  Some churches host ‘Singles’ Night’ where single Christians can meet.  Even without the designated ‘Singles’ Night’, there are always single people at church. The church picnic or dance is a great place to strike up a conversation with a person who has caught your interests.

*Go to the Movies

Not everyone brings a date to the movies.  Some people go alone because they don’t have a date or they really want to see the movie. In a rural area, going to the movies can provide another opportunity to meet other single people. 

*Friends

Most people have friends, and chances are those friends know other single people. If you let them know that you are looking for a date, they can help suggest other single people. They can also provide information about any potential dates. In a rural area, chances are good that one of your friends personally knows the person you might be interested in. They can find out if the other person might be interested in you.

*Internet

Thanks to the internet, the world is your oyster. You can connect to anyone anywhere.  There are a lot of dating websites that can help you find mates in your area.  Don’t hesitate to use this valuable resource.

*Malls

Shopping malls attract a large variety of people.  They provide a place to shop and a place to meet potential dates.  Make it a point to frequent the stores that cater to the type of person you are look for.  Shoe stores and sporting goods stores will attract men while lingerie stores like Victoria Secrets will attract women.  You can also stroll through department stores like JCPenney, Dillard’s, and Belk. Be sure to browse through the men’s or women’s departments.  Strike up a conversation with someone who interests you, and see how it goes.

Finding a date in a rural area can be challenging, but it is not impossible. It just takes some creativity and strategic thinking.

Signs Your Girlfriend is Too Young for You

All relationships have their up and downs. However, if you are experiencing more downs than ups and your girlfriend’s behavior is driving you nuts, you may be left wondering if your girlfriend is actually a little too immature for you. So, is it you or is your girlfriend too young for you?

Extremely sensitive

Criticism can be hard to take for anyone. However, a mature person takes it in stride. They realize that constructive criticism is actually helpful. People who are immature view any form of criticism as an attack against them. If your girlfriend is instantly offended if you offer her any type of advice, she is probably too young for you. Your girlfriend is still too emotionally immature to accept constructive criticism or advice.

Irresponsible

Mature people are responsible. They take responsibility for themselves and their behavior. A mature person is accountable for the things that happen to them. They also don’t try to blame others when things go wrong in their lives. If your girlfriend never wants to be held accountable for anything, she is too young for you. Ask yourself if you can trust her to pay the bills on time or to make any type of serious decisions.

Needs instant gratification

People who are emotionally immature need immediate gratification. If your girlfriend is one of those people who must have what she wants the instant that she wants it, she is too immature. She is only capable of thinking of herself.  Your girlfriend is too young for you if you have grown past this stage in your life.

Selfishness

Is your girlfriend self-centered? Does she talk about herself constantly? Selfishness is another sign of immaturity.

Neediness

Do you find yourself annoyed by your girlfriend’s constant calling, texting, or showing up at your house unannounced? If your girlfriend is doing these things, then she is needy. Needy people are demanding. They insist on having your undivided attention. If your girlfriend’s needy behavior is annoying you, then she may not be mature enough to be involved in a serious relationship yet.

Not willing to compromise

No two people will always agree. This is the reason that compromise is so important in relationships. Compromise requires listening, and an immature person is unable to listen to anyone’s need other than their own. Your girlfriend’s inability to compromise is another sign that she is too young for you.

Have you been wondering about your girlfriend’s maturity level? Regardless of your girlfriend’s age, she is too young for you if she exhibits any of the warning signs listed above.

How to Talk to an Attractive Woman

How to Approach the Woman of Your Dreams

You see her from across the room. You heart beats faster, and you are weak in the knees. This woman is gorgeous. So, what do you do? How do you make an introduction and start a conversation with this attractive woman?  Simple. Use the following steps and make a lasting impression on the girl of your dreams.

Confident

First, you will need to bring your “A” game.  Don’t head over to her and begin stuttering and staring. Instead, build up your confidence and then make a strong lasting impression. Think of the infamous James Bond. He is calm, cool, and collective. You should be the same when you approach your dream girl.

Watch the eyes

Next, watch her eyes. It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. And, in most cases, this is true. Before you approach this goddess of beauty, be sure to make eye contact with her. Her eyes will tell you what she is thinking. They can signal if she is annoyed, irritated, or just plain bored. They can also give you a good clue as to your chances. However, unless she looks downright disgusted with you, you may still give it a shot. Because most of people are visual creatures, she may judge you by your looks first. But, don’t despair if you don’t look like a Greek god. If you can be original, sincere, and confident, you may be able to win her over with your other attributes.

Be original

You know she’s beautiful, and chances are good that she does too. So, don’t waste your time telling her how good she looks. She has heard it before. I am not saying don’t ever compliment her, but what I am saying is don’t just walk up to her and say, “You know, you are a very attractive woman.” Trust me, this will get you nowhere. And, please, please don’t use one of those cheesy lines. This will make you look silly and destroy your chances with your dream girl. Instead, come up with an opener that is both original and interesting. If at all possible, find out what her interests are and use one of these topic as a way of starting a conversation.

Be sincere

Don’t use fake lines and fake compliments. Be sincere. Come up with an original introduction, and make sure that it is a sincere one. Don’t compliment her on her singing voice when you know she sounds awful. She will know that you are lying. It will also make her think that this is a pattern.

Be brief

Finally, be brief. Know when to walk away. Don’t let the conversation drag on. Remember, you want to give her something to think about. Leave her wanting more and not less of you. So, excuse yourself. If she is still interested, she will ask for your number or another way to contact you.

Talking to a beautiful woman can be intimidating. However, it can successfully be done using the tips above.

Why Won't He Make the First Move?!

 

He likes you. You know he does. He flirts with you and shows all the signs of wanting to be with you. However, he has not asked you out- yet. He hasn’t even asked for your phone number. Even if he has, he still hasn’t called. So, what is the problem? Why won’t he make the first move?

He is shy

He is too shy to initiate contact with you. Even though he would like to be with you, he is just too scared to make a move. If this is the case, you will have to be the one to initiate all contact until he is more comfortable with you.

You are out of his league

You can’t believe it. He likes you. You like him. You smile. He smiles. You “accidentally” brush up against him. He turns all red in the face. But, he won’t say a word. You know he is not shy. You are cute. You know you are. In fact, other guys are falling all over you. So, what is the problem? Sadly, if you are too popular, too cute, or too exciting, this guy may think that you are out of his league. Because you can have any other guy you want, he may feel that he doesn’t stand a chance. So, to keep his heart from being broken, he has decided to just watch from the sidelines.

Worried about his friends

Okay, so you are not considered to be all that popular. You are not a male magnate. However, you are a nice person, and some guys would even call you cute. Despite your shortcomings, he likes you. He goes out of his way to help you. And, when the two of you are alone, he jokes with you a lot. But, whenever other people are around, he only smiles. What is the deal? The deal is that he is afraid of what his friends will say. It doesn’t matter if he is seventeen or thirty, men do care what their friends think. Although he likes you, he still may not ask you out or talk to you for fear of what his friends may think. What should you do if you feel that this is the case? Move on. If he really likes you, he will stand up to his friends and fight for you.

He already has a girlfriend

The two of you have exchanged phone numbers. You have called him several times, and he sounds glad to hear from you. The two of you send sexy text messages like crazy. The problem is he hasn’t called you. You are doing all of the calling. He answers your texts, but you have to text him first. You don’t want to hear this. None of us do, and we all hope that it is not true. However, there is a strong possibility that your crush is already involved with someone else. This is not to say that he doesn’t like you. It simply means that he is already in a committed relationship, and he is not willing to let it go at the moment. So, how do you know? Simple. Ask him if he is dating someone. If he is really serious about his girlfriend, he will let you know that his is already involved.

Men have many different reasons for hesitating to initiate contact. However, the reasons listed above are some of the main ones.

How to Recover Your Friendship after Being "Friends with Benefits" Fails

 

So, you and your BFF (Best Friend Forever) decide to cross the line and become “Friends with Benefits”. Although things were great at first, the arrangement didn’t work out. One or both of you begin to have romantic feelings for the other one. And, as a result, things ended badly. So, now what do you do? How you recover from losing your lover and your best friend?

Give It Time

First, start by giving it some time. You have just suffered a major loss. You were betrayed by someone that you love. So, it is normal to grieve that loss. Think about it. This was someone that you trusted with your most intimate feelings and secrets. The two of you shared your dreams and your fears. The two of you also decided to share your bodies. Now, you have been left with a giant hole in your heart. Only time can heal these wounds.

Find an Outlet

Next, find a way to release those hurt feelings. You can take up journaling or writing in a dairy. Writing about your feelings will help you to heal over time. You can also start exercising. This will help to increase dopamine and serotonin (feel good hormones) in your blood. You can also explore new hobbies. These things will help to keep your mind off of your lost friendship. And, please, please, don’t jump into bed with another friend or lover just to stop the pain. This never works and can cause more trouble than it is worth.

Admit Your Mistakes

The next step to recovering your lost friendship is to admit your mistakes. Whether the rift was caused by you or your friend, you should evaluate what happened. Ask yourself what went wrong with your arrangement. If you can’t seem to figure out what happened, you may want to consult another friend for answers.

Rebuild Trust

Trust is built over time. So, it will take time to rebuild the trust that the two of you lost when your “Friends with Benefits” relationship failed. You can start by talking to each other about what happened, listening to the other person’s perspective of things, and offering any needed apologies. You may not be ready to resume your close friendship right now. So, be honest with your friend about this. Start small. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Put the Past Behind

You and your friends must agree to put the past behind you. At this point, you should have discussed all of the important issues. Let go of the past. Forgive each other and agree to move past your failed sexual relationship and back into your platonic friendship.

It is always risky trying to be “Friends with Benefits”. There are so many things that can go wrong, and too often those things do go wrong. Thankfully, you don’t have to lose your best friend forever. The suggestions listed above will help you move past the pain.

http://voices.yahoo.com/how-successfully-handle-break-up-11957066.html

http://www.livinghealthy360.com/index.php/ways-to-relax-without-turning-to-food-3194/

http://voices.yahoo.com/rebuilding-trust-relationship-5822624.html

http://exercise.about.com/cs/exercisehealth/a/depressin.htm

 

 

Are We Settling for Less

Whether many of you know it or not, I spend a lot of time on Yahoo Answer. I answer questions mainly in the relationship section. The topic that seems to keep popping up is: "I have slept with my best friend, now what?" or "My friend and I agreed to have a FWB (friends with benefits) relationship and now I find that I have feelings for him". Okay, ladies. I wrote the first article about "Being Friends with Benefits", and it was my opinion that this type of a relationship can work if both parties realize that nothing permanent is going to come out of it. Sadly, too many women are entering these relationships because the are lonely or because they believe their "friend" will change his mind.
 Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. The guy has told you from the start that all he wanted was sex. Period. End of the story. So, if you decide to jeopardize your friendship just because your hormones are raging, then you have put yourself in this position. I feel that we as women are starting to sell ourselves short. The guys are getting what they want out of this arrangement (free/no strings attached sex and a good friend to talk to). However, we are coming up short.
Don't get me wrong. I am not downing anyone who has agreed to this. To be honest, I have done this myself. Did it work for me? In one instant, it worked great because I didn't like the guy and I knew he was not the type of man I would ever be interested in as far as having a permanent relationship goes. The other times were a disaster. Why? Because, first, you already have feelings for this person. Remember, he is already your friend and knows all of your "dirty little secrets". Next, add sex to the mix and ( want to or not) you start to develop feelings for the person you are having sex with. No wonder you are angry when he wants to talk to you about his last conquest or about some hot girl he is dating. Problem!!!
So, as I continue to read and answer countless women who want to know what happened to their BFF after they gave them the goodies, I am forced to ask myself ( and you) are we selling ourselves too short. The answer, of course, is yes. We are. We must learn to control our hormones and stop agreeing to be just a bed buddy for our guy friends.
If we don't, we will never find our true mate. We will always be just another willing victim to lust.

"Friends with Benefits": Does It Actually Work

As a single woman over the age of 35, I know too well the pressures of trying find Mr. Right. The hunt for a soul mate can be emotionally trying and sexually frustrating. It is hard to truly get to know that new person when your hormones are raging. So, what is a single person to do? Some people have come up with what they think is an ideal solution to the problem. It is called being “friends with benefits”.

What are “friends with benefits”? These are two friends who have made a conscious decision to have “no strings attached” sex with each other. The agreement is to supply each other’s sexual needs as well as continuing to be BFFs (best friends forever). Sounds great, right? But, does this type of relationship actually work? The answer is both “yes and no”.

Yes, this does offer the two partners sexual release without the worries that having sex with potential marriage partners does. And, yes, it is convenient. Think about, the two friends already know each other. They knew what they both like and don’t like. They can be completely open and honest with each other. The two people don’t have to work about all of the things that actual couples have to worry about like trying to impress each other or trying to be nice. And, since they are friends and not potential soul mates, they can continue to date other people and search for their true soul mate.

However, this type of a relationship can come with some serious negatives. It stands the risk of turning into something else. Too often one of the friends/lovers begins to develop romantic feelings for the other one. The friend who has become emotionally attached can find it difficult to cope with the other partner continuing to date other people and may even demand some type of commitment. Unless the other friend also shares these feelings, this effectively ends the agreement and ruins a once great friendship. There is also the “weirdness” of having sex with a close friend. Although the two friends may have laughingly shared details from their other sexual conquests, they may not have shared all of their sexual preferences. And, sadly, some friends find being around each other difficult after they cross the line.

Is being “friends with benefits” a good idea? Well, that depends on the friends. If they are both emotionally mature enough to handle the arrangement, it can be a great arrangement. However, there is always the risk of things going wrong. So, if you are considering this type of a relationship, ask yourself which is more important-satisfying your sexual needs or having a great friend.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/is-becoming-friends-with-benefits-a-good-idea.html

http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_100/118_love_secrets.html

Tips on How to Date Without Having Sex

How to Date without Having Sex

Dating can be an exciting and fun time. It is a time to get to know the other person and to discover if the two of you have common interests and goals. Dating is one the first steps toward a committed relationship. Too often couples skip vital steps in the dating process and head straight for the bedroom. Sadly, in today’s society, this is the norm. So, how do you search from Mr. or Miss Right without becoming sexually involved too soon?

Date in Pairs

Try group dating. By dating in pairs, this will ensure that the two of you are never really alone. This can also help you control yourself and your sexual urges.

Limit Touching

It is best to limit touching, kissing and hugging if you want to keep your relationship non-sexual. What harm is there in a hug?  A lot. Hugging, cuddling, and other intimate touching can lead to thought of other sexual acts. So, avoid the temptation.

Get Your Mind under Control

Temptation may begin with the eyes, but it is the mind that entertains those lustful thoughts. So, bring your mind under control. Don’t allow your thoughts to linger on sex or other intimate acts. Whenever you find that your mind is beginning to head into forbidden territory, change gears. Stop and begin to mediate on the reasons you wish to remain pure. Remember, it is hard to focus on getting to know a person when your mind is cloud by sexual desire.

Public Places

Stick to public places. Avoid romantic dinners for two or any other dating arrangement that will leave the two of you alone. Restrict dates to places where there will be other people. This will help discourage the two of you from dabbling in sexually provocative behavior.

Have a Safe Signal

Decide up on a safe signal. This is a phrase or a word that will let your partner know that they are crossing the boundaries of your relationship. It can be as simply saying “out of bounds”.

Be Held Accountable

Find a friends or someone else that you can be accountable to. This person should be someone who you can confess your carnal thoughts to. Have this person agree to hold you accountable for your sexual behavior and to remind you of your goal to stay celibate. Simply having to give in account to someone else can be enough of a deterrent.

Never Be Home Alone

Do not head for each other’s homes. This is danger zone number 1. Avoid inviting this person to your house or accepting invitations to their home. It is too easy to go from the living room to the bedroom. So, if you want to invite your date over, do so when there will be other people present.

Take the time to get to know your date. Don’t give in to temptation and miss vital compatibility clues about your date.

5 Simple Things that Can Improve Your Relationship

5 Things that Can Improve Your Relationship

Is your relationship on the rocks? Are you wondering what you can do to save it? Having a successful relationship takes time, effort, and dedication. The following are 5 simple things that you can do to improve your relationship.

Stop nagging

Who wants to listen to a person grip and complain all day? I certainly don’t, and neither does you partner. So, stop all the nagging and complaining. Sure, your partner forgot to take the trash out, and he left the seat up on the toilet again. But, what is nagging and complaining going to accomplish? The trash will still be in the same place and the toilet seat will still be up.

Do you want to know the solution? Instead of nagging, try a different approach. Tell your partner how thankful you are to have them. Tell them how much you appreciate all the nice things that they do for you around the house like taking the trash out and remembering to let the toilet seat down. If this doesn’t work, then leave them little reminders all around the house.

Adjust Your Attitude

Change your attitude and the way you look at things. Start by doing a self-check. Ask yourself why your partner’s behavior irritates you so much. Ask yourself why you respond to your partner the way that you do. Is the real issue the trash or is there something else more serious going on in your relationship? Do you feel that your partner is neglecting you? Once you have done some soul-searching, you must make a conscious decision to change the way you respond to your partner.  Don’t ignore major issues in your relationship. However, instead of focusing on all of things that are wrong with your relationship, focus on the positive.

 Respect Your Partner

This can be a hard one. However, it is vital part of making your relationship work. You must learn how to respect your partner. You can start by actively listening to what they have to say. Learn how to be sensitive to their needs. Don’t humiliate them in front of their friends, family, or children. And, show them that you value them and their opinion.

Compromise

You can’t always have your way. A relationship involves two people. And, at some point, the two of you are going to disagree. To make your relationship succeed, you will need to learn how to compromise. Listen to your partner’s side. Explain your side without shouting. Weigh the pros and cons of both sides and come to a compromise. 

Praise

Who doesn’t want to be appreciated? Learn how to praise your mate. Take notice of all of the small things they do and compliment them on them. Say nice things to your mate. Leave love notes. Make them feel valued. Don’t overdo it or sound phony. Something as simple as saying “Thank you” can be enough.

Don’t let the love fizzle out of your relationship. Make 5 simple adjustments and improve your relationship.

Challenge for the New Year

As we welcome in the new year, I would like to challenge black women everywhere to make some serious changes in their diets, relationships, and attitudes this year. As black women, we have a predisposition to diabetes. We have been labeled as bitter and rude. And, some of us are. So, this year, let's strive to be better.

Signs You are Attracted to Someone You Hate

You don’t like them. You find this person annoying and obnoxious, and you hate the ground they walk on. Well, at least, you think you do. To be honest, you are not so sure. Although this person gets on our last nerve, you find yourself thinking about them all the time. So, how do you know if you are falling for the person you hate?

Increased Heart Rate

Does your heart seem to pound in your chest whenever you are near this person? Does your breath catch in your throat at the mention of their name? If you find that your heart rate increases every time you see this person, chances are good that you have fallen in love with your enemy.

Perspiration

Do you find yourself sweating whenever this person is around? Are your armpits wet? One of the main signs of attraction is nervousness. And, nervousness can lead to perspiration. Like it or not, you are sexually attracted to the person you claim to hate.

Dreaming About Them              

Do you hate this person so much that they are starting to invade your thoughts? Do you find yourself thinking about them even when you are asleep? If the answer is “yes”, then this is a sign that this has become a love/hate relationship.

Longing to See Them

Do you make petty excuses to check up on them? Do you find yourself cruising by their house or by their job? Although you dislike this person, you find yourself looking for him or her all the time. If your day is not complete until you see the object of your distain, then chances are good that you have fallen in love.

Jealousy

Do you find yourself angry when your enemy is with someone else? Do you secretly long to destroy their relationships? If you find that the green-eyed monster called jealousy shows up every time this person is with someone else, this is a sign that you are in love.

Becoming an Idiot

Do you find yourself stuttering, blushing, or dropping things when the person you despise is in close proximity to you? These are also a signs of sexual attraction. So, if you become a blundering idiot every time your enemy shows up, it is time to stop kidding yourself. You are in love.

There is a thin line between love and hate. If you have any of the symptoms listed above, you have definitely cross the line.

Tips on Reconnecting with an Estranged Family Member or Loved One

How to Reconnect with an Estranged Family Member

No family is perfect. There are always going to be some up and downs. But, when those downs have led to the estrangement of a loved one, things have gone too far. So, how do you reconnect with an estranged family member? The following are ways to bridge the gap.

Dealing with Pride

It is often difficult to put ones pride aside. However, if you are going to reconnect with an estranged loved one, you are going to have to deal with your self-righteousness and pride. A relationship cannot survive when it is choked down by selfishness. In order to reconnect, you must be willing to admit your part in the conflict and accept responsibility for your actions. You will also have to allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable.

Apologize

Evaluate your part in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your actions and words. Now, be willing to apologize for your role in the disagreement. Don’t place blame. Don’t accuse. Forgive and move forward. And, when you make contact with the estranged family member, don’t expect them to apologize. You accept responsibility for your role. Apologize even if you don’t feel that you are the one who caused the problem.

Make first contact

Once you have dealt with your pride and hurt feelings, you need to make contact with the estranged family member. Although some people recommend writing a letter first, this can be impersonal. You can initiate contact by picking up the phone and making a call. But, be sure to practice what you will say before you make the call. Be prepared for reject, anger, and possible accusations. Don’t give in to your own hurt feelings and lash out. Instead, try to focus on the bigger picture. Remember that you care about this person and want to repair your relationship. Try to keep the conversation on neutral ground. For this first call, express your desire to reconnect. Then, limit your conversation and the amount of time you spend on the phone.

Be Patient

It takes time to reconnect. Trust and respect must be rebuilt, and this takes time. So, be prepared to wait. Months or even years of anger and hurt will not heal overnight. And, accept that things have changed and they may never be the same again.

Learn Coping Strategies

Now that you have made the first move and initiated contact, you will need to have some coping strategies. Things will not be perfect. You may want to avoid touchy issues at first. But, after a while you will need to confront the issue that tore you apart to begin with. Be prepared. Be calm. And, be willing to listen without getting angry or making judging.

Don’t waste your time mourning over an estranged family member. Reconnect and rebuild relationships.

How to Adjust Your Attitude and Save Your Relationship

How to Adjust Your Attitude and Save Your Relationship

You’ve heard the old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” Thankfully, this is not true. It doesn’t matter if you are married, in a serious relationship, or just dating. It is almost impossible for a relationship to work if you are always negative. So, what do you do if you want your relationship to work, but you have an “attitude issue”.

Admit Your Problem

You have already made the first step. You have admitted that you have an attitude problem, and it is having a negative effect on your relationship. Now, you can begin to change it.

Identify the Cause

After you have taken the first step and admitted that you have an attitude problem, you will need to identify the cause of the problem. Take a few minutes and think about what has happened to you in the past to help to create your present attitude. Ask yourself why you are so bitter. Ask yourself why you respond to your partner the way that you do. There is always a cause. This means doing some real soul searching. But, if you really want to save your relationship, you must be willing to dig deep.

Commit to Change

Once you have identified the cause of your negative attitude, you must commit to change that attitude. You must make a conscious decision to change the way you react to situations.

Focus on the Good Things

Instead of focusing on all the things that are wrong with your relationship, focus on what is right about it. How? Start by making a list of all the good things about your partner and about your relationship. Put this list in a place where you can see it. Read the list out loud to yourself two or three times a day. As you do this, you will begin to notice a change in the way that you look at your relationship and your partner.

Be Positive

Stop being so negative. Stop bickering. Stop accusing. After years of negativity, this can be hard to do. However, it can be done. Make the decision to be positive. Surround yourself with positive people. Visualize yourself being happy. Visualize your relationship with your partner being happy and healthy.

Choose to Forgive

So often, our negative attitudes are the result of someone else’s choices. In order to make your relationship work, you have to choose to forgive. Forgive the person who hurt you. Let go of the past. Stop holding your present partner accountable for something your old partner did. Forgive your old partner and move on. If your present partner is the cause of your bitterness, talk to your partner. Get everything out in the open and then move on. Don’t spend valuable time dwelling on old issues. If you can’t forgive your partner, then it may be time to let the relationship go.

Get Moving

Start exercising. This will help to get oxygen flowing throughout your body. It will also help the body to release dopamine and endorphins, hormones that cause feelings of well-being.

Keep a Diary

Start keeping a diary. Keeping a diary is a great way to help you get a grip on your attitude. Whenever you feel yourself starting to become negative or angry with your partner, write it down.  By writing down your frustrations, you can self-reflect, identify the cause of negative thoughts, and change those thoughts and behaviors.

Don’t allow your negative attitude to destroy your relationship. Make a conscious decision to change your attitude and save your relationship.