Revenge Sex: The Big Pay Back

 

Sexual Revenge

Okay, you have caught him cheating. Maybe, he confessed. No matter how you found out, you found out. And, it cuts like a knife. You trusted this man with your heart, and how does he repay you? He goes out and does this! Now, what do you do?

Do you leave him? Do you stay with him? Either way, you are out for blood. You want to make him pay for all the nasty things he has done to you. So, what is the best way to hurt him? The first thing that crosses your mind is to wound his pride like he had done yours. You want to humiliate him. And, what better way than to have revenge sex?

Well, girlfriend, let me tell you. That is one of the worst things that you can do. Why? Why should you stay straight when he has gone off the deep end? Because as much as you will hurt him, you will end up hurting yourself.

I get it. You’re mad right now. But, what about later? What happens when the smoke blows over? You will discover that you have been no better than him. And, what if the two of you decide that you want to work things out? How do you think your little indiscretion will play into all of that? If the two of you have children, how will this make them feel? And, most of all, how will you feel?

Yes, you are hurting, and you want to lash out. But, it is not worth it. Believe me. I know. I was the queen of revenge at one time in my life. Thankfully, as I have gotten older, I have gotten wiser. I have learned that having an affair just to punish him always backfires on you. You end up feeling cheap and betrayed. Revenge sex does not kill the pain of his betrayal.

So, what do you do? You find strength in yourself. You turn to God. You turn to your friends. You examine the situation and try to figure out what went wrong. You pick yourself up and move on. You don’t use your body as a pawn in a game.

So, sista, keep your head up! Brighter days are ahead.

What Does He Mean When He Says...You're a Nice Girl...You Deserve Better?

 

 

Okay. Some of us have heard these words from the man in our life, and we have wondered just what he meant. In fact, some of us have grab the phone and called our girlfriends for answers. Sadly, all she can tell us is that we are “nice” or that we are “good girls”. Why are we so confused? First, our boo said this without explaining. Second, he said this and didn’t officially break up with us. So, we are left hanging.

When we ask our man about it later, we are not given a straight answer. Sometimes, he may even play dumb and pretend that he doesn’t remember saying these words. So, ladies allow me to enlighten you.
As a woman who has been there and done that, I have just about heard it all. To be honest, I have just about said it all too. Guilty…Guilty…Guilty as charged. When your significant other tells you how nice you are, he means it. You are a nice person. Yeah! Great, right!? Maybe.

When this statement is followed by the acknowledgment that you can do better, you better look out. His hands have been in the cookie jar, and his conscious is acting up. He is tell you in so many words that he has done you wrong and that you are too good for his junk.

Why hasn’t he broken up with you? Simple. You are too good to lose. He doesn’t want to willingly let you go. But, he is not ready to stop doing the crap that he is doing. He still wants to play the field and run home to you. Sometimes, when he is caught red-handed and given an ultimatum, he may even chose to let you go.

How to I know? Because I have been in the same situation. To be honest, I have even told guys this same thing after I have been wading in the mud with my man on the side. I would come back from my rendezvous and realize that I had a good man at home.

So, why would I cheat? Why would your man cheat when he knows that you are a good woman? For the same reasons everybody does:

·         Having an affair can be exciting.

·         Things are a little rocky at home or in the relationship with you. A lover welcomes us with open arms and doesn’t want to know when we are going to pay the bills or stop hanging out with our friends.

·         Things in the bedroom may have gotten boring.

·         He or she makes us feel special. They tell us how beautiful we are. They act like we are the most important person in the world.

So, now you know. What should you do?  Try to have a heart to heart talk with your partner. But, be prepared for him to deny everything.

Signs Your Husband Has Been Unfaithful

 

 

You can’t prove it yet, but you have a gut feeling that your husband has had an affair. He hasn’t said anything.  In fact, your husband is acting like an angel.  So, why can’t you shake the feeling that something is amiss with your spouse? Is something really going on or are you being paranoid?   These are some telltale sounds that your husband has been unfaithful.

*Unexpected Gifts

Everyone loves attention, and nothing says “I love you” like an unexpected gift of flowers or jewelry.  Right?  Has he been acting strange lately?  Has he been distracted and suddenly, he is showering you with gifts and attention?  Beware.  Sometimes those little tokens of affection are his way of apologizing for having been unfaithful. 

*More time at home

Long work hours are usually a sign of an affair.  So, how about shorter ones?  When your husband suddenly has a lot more free time, it could be an indication that there was never any extra work in the first place.  The longer work hours could have been the cover for an affair, and now that the affair has ended, he has more time to spend with you and the family.

*Unexplained Charges

If you and your husband share a bank account, look for unusual withdrawals of money.  His credit card bills may also have unexplained charges for items that you don’t have in your home or for things like dinner or flowers. 

*Late night calls

Now that the affair is over, his ex-lover may be calling your house late at night to try to rekindle the affair.  Pay attention to these strange calls.  Is he being secretive?  Does he leave the room to answer them and come back in a foul mood?

*Strange cars riding by your house or increased traffic near your house

If the scorned lover is not ready to let your husband go, she may start watching you, your house, your children, and your job.  Be aware of strange cars that suddenly start riding by your home.

* Defensiveness

Your husband has become defensive.  He becomes angry when you ask him about the strange calls and the change in his work schedule.

*Sudden Jealous Behavior

Your spouse has developed a jealous streak. For some unexplained reason, he is very possessive. He wants to know who is calling you and what you are talking about on the phone. This is because he knows what he has done, and he is looking for signs that you are doing the same thing. His own guilt has made him suspicious of you.

* Sex Life Changes

Your husband who once had a lagging libido is now constantly in the mood.  Maybe it’s your new cologne or your new hair cut, but chances are he is trying to make up for having been sexually unfaithful.  This increased need for sex could also be a result of him not having sex with his old lover. 

Watch his technique.  If he has suddenly developed new sexual tastes, this could be the result of his having adapted sexually to suit the desires of the other woman. 

*Heading Straight to the Restroom

If your husband has a habit of going straight to the bathroom after a night out or having worked late, this could be a clue that he has had a rendezvous.  Your husband is making this quick bathroom stop to adjust his clothes, check for little love marks, or remove any possible evidence of the affair like lipstick stains or perfume.

How can a wife tell if her husband has been unfaithful?  You can trust your gut. And, you should look for the warning signs.

Signs Your Wife Maybe Cheating on You

 

She’s been sweet lately-a little too sweet.  Ever though everything seems okay, you just can’t seem to shake that feeling that something isn’t right with your wife.  How do you know if your wife is cheating on you?  Look for the following signs:

*Change in appearance

Have you noticed that your wife suddenly looks better?  Is she taking a lot more care with her clothes and make-up than usual? There is a possibility she has just been getting fashion tips from a friend, but not likely.  When a woman begins to take a new founded interest in her appearance, chances are someone has found some interest in her and that someone is not you.

*New perfume

Does your wife smell different?   Is she trying out new perfume?  When a woman begins a new love affair, she will often want to look good and smell good.  There is nothing wrong with wearing perfume, but if she suddenly starts wearing it to work or wearing a new fragrance, this could be a sign that she is wearing it for someone else.

*Jealousy

Men are not the only ones to fall victim to the greened monster called jealousy.  Women are also guilty of being jealous.  A little jealousy is normal.  A lot of jealousy is a warning sign of a guilty conscious.  If you notice that your wife has suddenly become jealous of you, watch out.  Often a person who is cheating will project their own guilt onto their spouse.  They will begin to watch for signs that the spouse is doing the same thing that they are. 

*New Work Schedule

A change in work schedule is not a sure sign, but it is a sign.  If your wife is suddenly working longer hours and spending more time at work, you might want to find out what is going on. She might not actually be working late.  Your wife could be using this excuse to spend time with her new lover.

*Overly Nice

You and your wife use to occasionally bicker and fight.  Now, your wife is overly nice and compliant. Sure, it is good to agree, and you like it when things are going smoothly. However, your wife could be being compliant because she feels guilty about her affair. Men who are cheating like to give their wife “guilt gifts”. Women may not give actually gifts.  They simply pretend to be more loving and check out of the relationship emotionally. If your wife has stopped talking to you, she has started talking to someone else. A marriage must have communication in order to survive.

*Change in sexual habits

Everyone has their own sexual personality.  As a couple, you have learned your wife’s and she has learned yours.  Is she suddenly more excited or more adventurous?  It’s nice to think that this new behavior is just because she loves you, but it could be that she has acquired theses new techniques from someone new.

Maybe, she is suddenly avoiding having sex all together.  Women connect sex with emotional intimacy.  If a woman has disconnected with you emotionally, she will also want to disconnect sexually. 

*Change in attitude of her co-workers

Have you noticed a change in her co-workers’ attitude toward you?  Do they seem to be acting suspicious or even ignoring you?  This could be because they are aware of the affair. 

*Being secretive

Affairs are dirty little secrets.  If your wife is cheating, she will become secretive.  Have you noticed her taking phone calls in the other room?  Is her phone ringing at strange hours? Does one of her friends call more often and she suddenly has to rush out? These could be signs that she is carrying on a love affair.

Women, like men, cheat for many different reasons.  No matter what the reason may be, women do cheat, and they do display tell-tale signs of infidelity.  If you notice a combination of the signs listed above, then it’s time to have a heart to heart talk with your spouse.

Confessions of a Serial Cheater: Reasons Women Cheat

It has been said over and over again that a good man is hard to find. It has also been said that men are dogs and that cheating is a natural part of who they are. You pity the women who are stuck with them, and despite society’s acceptance of their behavior, you find yourself wondering why they do it.  Why do some men risk it all for fleeting moments of pleasure? In our quest to figure out why men behave so badly, we tend to forget that women cheat too.

Some women don’t just have an affair. They, like men, are serial cheaters.  Why and how does a woman become a serial cheater?  Out of curiosity, I asked one woman who is a “serial cheater” why she did it. For the sake of discretion, I will name her Cheater X. Here are the reasons she gave.

Excitement

Cheating is exciting. Having an affair gave her an adrenaline rush. And, for her, that rush too hard to resist.

Emotional Need

Cheater X stated that she liked feeling desirable. Things had become routine at home. Although she loved her partner, she just wanted to feel sexy again. Like men, women can begin to question their own desirability as they age.  An affair can make they feel alive again.

Finances

Affairs can be financially beneficial. Cheater X discussed receiving money from one of her partners. She stated that although she did not find the man all that physically attractive he was very generous financially.

Variety

Like men, some women crave variety. They don’t like to be tied down to just one man even though they know that man is good to them.

Selfish

Finally, Cheater X confessed to just being selfish. She knows that she is hurting her partner with her constant lies and deception, but she is just too concerned with her own pleasure to stop.

Signs your wife is cheating:
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