Showing posts with label single women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single women. Show all posts

Saturday, June 14, 2014

The Reason Some Black Women Don't Marry


 

Fewer people are getting married. Although the decline in marriage is true of all races, black women seem to be feeling the impact of this new trend the most. Why are more black women choosing not to marry? The following are some reasons why:

*Independence

Some women, whether Black or not, don’t marry because they don’t want to give up their independence.  Being single does have several perks. A single woman can go where she wants whenever she wants. She can go to bed when she wants to. She cooks when she feels like it.  Best of all, she can watch whatever she wants to on television and not have to give up some of her viewing time to watch football.

*Lack of Black Men

One of the main reasons black women aren’t married is because there is a lack of available black men. A large number of black men are in jail, gay, or dating outside of the race. African American men represent a high percentage of men in the criminal justice system. According to the Henry J. KAISER FAMILY Foundation, young black men are more than likely to be incarcerated than Hispanic men or white men. There is also a shortage of available black men in certain geographical areas. Black women who really want to marry have to look at interracial dating. Basically, eligible black men are becoming a rare commodity.

*Lack of a Financially Equal

As more and more African American women are moving up the financial ladder, they are looking for mates who can met or match their income levels. Black women are graduating from college at a higher rate than black men. Some black women are just not going to settle for a man who makes considerably less than they do.  As a result, they are choosing to remain single.

 *Too busy

Establishing a career can be exhausting.  So, instead of actively looking for a mate, some black women are opting to remain single and concentrate on their careers. It just doesn’t seem possible to juggle a successful career and a husband.

*Past Hurts

Some black women choose not to marry because they have been emotionally wounded.  They have experienced a hurt so deep that they feel like they have a lost a piece of themselves, and they just aren’t up to the challenge of trying it again.

In conclusion, as times are changing so are marriage trends. Black women no longer have to rely on a man for financial support or emotional support. They are paving their own way in society.  Whether it is because they are too busy, wounded from past relationships, or not willing to be unequally yoked, some black women are choosing not to marry.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Martial Submission: A Single Girl's Take


 

 

So many women today are independent. And, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with being able to pay your own bills and handle your business. I am a single woman, and I am independent. I have to be. I have to do it all myself. Believe me, this gets rough at times. For married women, things are a little different. They don’t have to fight all of their battles alone. They do have the convenience of having a man around (at least he is supposed to be around). With the convenience of a male partner, comes the age old question of marital submission. Should an independent woman submit to her husband?

Before all of you single gals go to roaring in outrage, let’s truly look at the question. Should a wife have to submit to her husband? When I was younger, the answer would have been “no” so fast until it would have made your head spin. However, now I am a little older and a lot wiser. No, I don’t think that a wife should act like a pet and go fetch whenever her husband tells her to. But, I do think that a man is the head of the house, and we should allow them to be just that. Yes, I do believe that my husband-whenever he shows up-should be able to give me some sound advice and I follow it. The reason that I can say this is because I believe that I should have sense enough to marry someone who is intelligent, kind, and godly. So, if my husband loves me and he loves God, I don’t think he would ask me to do anything wrong. I don’t think he would abuse his place as the head of the house or me.

As black women, we are so used to be the leader in our homes. We are not used to letting our men lead us anywhere. We want to be the boss, and we laugh at our friends who allow their husband to help make decisions. Our money is our money. So, we will spend the way we want to. We are not obligated to ask our husbands anything.

You know, men only want a few things from us. They want to be respected. They want to be loved. They want to be honored. So, why can’t we do that? Why can’t we allow them to help us?

As a single lady, I don’t think there is anything wrong with martial submission as long as you are submitting to the right man. Think about it.

Monday, January 20, 2014

"Friends with Benefits": Does It Actually Work




As a single woman over the age of 35, I know too well the pressures of trying find Mr. Right. The hunt for a soul mate can be emotionally trying and sexually frustrating. It is hard to truly get to know that new person when your hormones are raging. So, what is a single person to do? Some people have come up with what they think is an ideal solution to the problem. It is called being “friends with benefits”.

What are “friends with benefits”? These are two friends who have made a conscious decision to have “no strings attached” sex with each other. The agreement is to supply each other’s sexual needs as well as continuing to be BFFs (best friends forever). Sounds great, right? But, does this type of relationship actually work? The answer is both “yes and no”.

Yes, this does offer the two partners sexual release without the worries that having sex with potential marriage partners does. And, yes, it is convenient. Think about, the two friends already know each other. They knew what they both like and don’t like. They can be completely open and honest with each other. The two people don’t have to work about all of the things that actual couples have to worry about like trying to impress each other or trying to be nice. And, since they are friends and not potential soul mates, they can continue to date other people and search for their true soul mate.

However, this type of a relationship can come with some serious negatives. It stands the risk of turning into something else. Too often one of the friends/lovers begins to develop romantic feelings for the other one. The friend who has become emotionally attached can find it difficult to cope with the other partner continuing to date other people and may even demand some type of commitment. Unless the other friend also shares these feelings, this effectively ends the agreement and ruins a once great friendship. There is also the “weirdness” of having sex with a close friend. Although the two friends may have laughingly shared details from their other sexual conquests, they may not have shared all of their sexual preferences. And, sadly, some friends find being around each other difficult after they cross the line.

Is being “friends with benefits” a good idea? Well, that depends on the friends. If they are both emotionally mature enough to handle the arrangement, it can be a great arrangement. However, there is always the risk of things going wrong. So, if you are considering this type of a relationship, ask yourself which is more important-satisfying your sexual needs or having a great friend.