The Reason Some Black Women Don't Marry

 

Fewer people are getting married. Although the decline in marriage is true of all races, black women seem to be feeling the impact of this new trend the most. Why are more black women choosing not to marry? The following are some reasons why:

*Independence

Some women, whether Black or not, don’t marry because they don’t want to give up their independence.  Being single does have several perks. A single woman can go where she wants whenever she wants. She can go to bed when she wants to. She cooks when she feels like it.  Best of all, she can watch whatever she wants to on television and not have to give up some of her viewing time to watch football.

*Lack of Black Men

One of the main reasons black women aren’t married is because there is a lack of available black men. A large number of black men are in jail, gay, or dating outside of the race. African American men represent a high percentage of men in the criminal justice system. According to the Henry J. KAISER FAMILY Foundation, young black men are more than likely to be incarcerated than Hispanic men or white men. There is also a shortage of available black men in certain geographical areas. Black women who really want to marry have to look at interracial dating. Basically, eligible black men are becoming a rare commodity.

*Lack of a Financially Equal

As more and more African American women are moving up the financial ladder, they are looking for mates who can met or match their income levels. Black women are graduating from college at a higher rate than black men. Some black women are just not going to settle for a man who makes considerably less than they do.  As a result, they are choosing to remain single.

 *Too busy

Establishing a career can be exhausting.  So, instead of actively looking for a mate, some black women are opting to remain single and concentrate on their careers. It just doesn’t seem possible to juggle a successful career and a husband.

*Past Hurts

Some black women choose not to marry because they have been emotionally wounded.  They have experienced a hurt so deep that they feel like they have a lost a piece of themselves, and they just aren’t up to the challenge of trying it again.

In conclusion, as times are changing so are marriage trends. Black women no longer have to rely on a man for financial support or emotional support. They are paving their own way in society.  Whether it is because they are too busy, wounded from past relationships, or not willing to be unequally yoked, some black women are choosing not to marry.

When Black Women Go White: The Response to Black Women Dating Interracially

The April edition of Ebony featured an article entitled “Scandalized by ‘Scandal’”. It discussed the backlash that the show was receiving from black men. It seems that some black men find it offensive that the show’s star, Olivia Pope, is dating a powerful white man-the president of the United States-Fitzgerald Grant. Pope has also been featured with Jack Ballard, another powerful white man. My question is: What seems to be the problem?

For years, our black men have dated and married white women. However, black women have not so readily embraced interracial dating. It is only in recent years that the black woman has begun to embrace her choices. For so long, we were loyal to our African-American brothers even though they felt no such ties to us. Only a few years ago, it seemed like almost every black man who played professional sports or who brought home a substantial income was sporting women who were not of color on his arms.

So, why did black stay faithful to black men so long? First, some black women were worried about what their friends and family will say. They worried about how their friends would react if they dated outside the black community. Second, as African-American women, we had been feed a bunch of bull about how white men were not as well-endowed as black men or that they were not as good in bed. Then, there was the cultural difference.

We have been taught that men of other races don’t find us attractive. We have been told that  we were too dark, that our butts were too large, and that our hair is not long enough or soft enough. And, let’s be honest. As black women, we obsess over our hair. As a result, we wondered how white men would react to their course tress as compared with white women.

Now that the walls are starting to come down, some black men are lashing out. But, why? There are so many single, black women out there that it only makes sense for black women to stop limiting themselves. The facts can’t be denied. There is a lack of available black men. Where are they? They are incarcerated, gay, or married to women who are not African-American.

I am not mad at Shonda Rhimes for creating a beautiful, powerful, intelligent black woman who happens to be involved with a Caucasian male. In fact, I applaud her for creating Olivia. I applaud her for letting the world know that a powerful, white man can actually love a black woman. So, to all those black men who are angry, I would just like to say-“Get over it.”

http://voices.yahoo.com/reason-more-black-women-dont-date-interracially-11929342.html
http://voices.yahoo.com/more-black-women-date-interracially-11643770.html

New York's New Mayor, Bill de Blasio, and Interracial Marriage.

Who said interracial marriages can't work or that white men don't even consider black women as partners? The biggest question has been would a white man with his eyes on a political office commit political suicide by marrying a black woman? During the last election, people dug up the fact that Paul Ryan had dated a black woman in college. So, what? Well, every since Bill de Blasio was elected people have become fascinated with his wife, Chirlane. His wife is an African-American woman. No, she isn't Beyoncé. No, she is not Halle Berry. She is a strong, beautiful black woman in her own right. And, her presence at her husband's side says, "Yes, a white man with his eyes on a political office can love and marry a black woman.

http://voices.yahoo.com/more-black-women-date-interracially11643770.html

Black Women and Nasty Attitudes

While shopping in Walmart yesterday, I encountered the famous "black woman" attitude. The store was crowded. I stopped to let another shopper- a black woman go by. She also stopped. I said, "You can go." She stood there. When I decided to go, the nasty-mouth, overweight, black woman decided to say, "That's so dumb. You so dumb anyway. You just standing there." What's up? Why can't we be nice. I see why other races think we are rude.WE ARE RUDE!!! I realize that this is a negative statement, but God knows, it is true. Why can't we put the drama behind us and move on. Why do we feel obligated to get smart with people? Why do we have to be so loud? Why can't we learn to control our attitudes? Then, we wonder why our black men are dating other women. http://voices.yahoo.com/black-women-relationships-attitude-ruining-11927541.html

Black hair: Don't Touch

Sistas, has anyone asked you lately to touch your hair? If they have you are not alone. People of all races seem to be fascinated with our hair. It doesn't matter if it is your natural hair, braids, extensions, or even a wig. Other races are especially fascinated with our hair. And, like the lady in the article below stated, I have even caught people of other races trying to touch my hair when I was not looking. What's the big deal? It is only hair-real or fake. It is just hair. And, yes, black women can have naturally long hair. And, yes, other races also wear wigs and hair extensions. Sistas, you are not alone. No, I don't think that certain grades of hair are better than others. "There is no such thing to me as "good hair". All of our hair is good. If we take care of our hair, it can grown and be just as health as other races. Would you let some stranger touch your hair?

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/07/25/touching.natural.black.hair/index.html

How to Choose the Right Color for Your Dark Skin Tone: A Black Woman’s Guide

By: LaWanda Shields

If you are like me, you want to look good in everything you wear. One ways to accomplish this is to choose the right color to compliment your skin tone. This is sometimes easier said than done. Again, if you are like me, you have read countless articles on how to decide which colors are your best colors. So, what’s the problem?

The problem is that these articles are written for people who are fair skinned. If you have darker colored skin, these color guides that talk about “cool” skin tones and “warm” skin tones are not for you. Instead of “cool” and “warm” colors, I like to use the different seasons. The following is a guide to help women with darker skin find their right color match.

*Spring –lighter complexions (Vanessa Williams, Alicia Keyes, Leona Lewis, Ida Ljungqvist)

If you have lighter colored skin, you can wear “cool” colors and “warm” colors successfully. Your best color choices are earth tones, pastels, and metallics. Earth tones include browns, olives, golds, and burgundy. Pastels look especially good on you. Pastels include peach, lilac, powder blue, and coral. Metallic colors include gold, bronze, and silver. The metallic colors that compliment your skin tone the best are gold and silver. 

*Fall-medium skin complexions (Halle Berry, Rihanna, Zoe Saldana)

For those of you who have medium colored skin, you can also successfully go between “cool” colors and “warm” colors. However, earth tones and warm, rich colors are your best choices. You can use all shades of browns, olives, emerald greens, reds, oranges, golds, and blues like turquoise and sapphire. When choosing pastel colors, choose the richer versions of the color. The lighter colors do not highlight your skin tone as well as the darker ones do. Your best metallic colors are gold and bronze.

*Winter-dark skin complexions (Naomi Campbell, Alek Wek, Yaya Da Costa)

Your skin is of the richest hue. You should choose colors that highlight your beautiful skin tone. Believe it or not, pastels are your friend. Use pastel colors like lilac and powdered blue. You are also blessed to be able to wear all the different types of metallics. Your best metallic colors are going to be bronze and silver.

Picking the right colors to wear can make the difference between looking okay and looking fantastic. So, if you have darker colored skin, don’t get frustrated with articles that talk about people who have cool skin tones or who have warm skin tones. These don’t apply to you. The guide above provides a great way for you to identify the colors that will compliment your skin darker colored skin.

What Black Men Want From Black Women

What Black Men Want from Black Women

 

By: Lawanda Shields

Men are unique creatures. They think and act differently than we do. And, black men definitely take some figuring out. After interviewing several different black men, I discover that there were a few things that they all wanted from us as black women. This article is a list of the things on their most wanted lists. So, if you are a black woman and you are wondering what in the world black men really want, then this is the article to read.

*Attention

Men, like women, want attention whether they admit it or not. They want a woman who will spend time with them and tell them how wonderful they are. They don’t want a woman who lies, but who will take time out of their busy schedule to make them feel special. They also like it when you take some extra time to look good for them. So, some nights put up the flannel and wear something nice and leave the lights on.

*Support

Black men face a lot of challenges. Society tends to throw a lot of obstacles in their way. They need a safe haven, and they want to find it in their women. Black men want a woman who will support them and their dreams. They want someone who will tell them that they can make it in spite of the odds. Black men especially need a woman who will encourage them and lift them up.

Respect

A lot of black men don’t feel that their sistas give them the respect that they need. Yes, respect. Black men want a woman who will respect them as men, and who will honor them as the “true head of the house”. They especially want a black woman who will not embarrass them in public or who will belittle them. This is not to say that they don’t want a woman who is afraid to express herself. However, there is a time and a place for all things.

*Cut the Attitude

Black women have to learn to control their attitudes. Sure, not all black women have attitude problems, but the ones that do have branded the rest of us. It is evident by the increasing number of interracial marriages that black men are no longer settling for women who are bitter or who snap their heads off. Having a negative attitude can destroy your chances of a lasting relationship with a strong, black man.

*Hold them accountable

Black men want a woman who will hold them accountable. Yes, they want attention, support, and respect, but they also want their woman to hold their feet to the fire. Black men want someone who will tell them when they are wrong, and they want a woman to make them live up to their responsibilities. However, this should be done in private and not in front of their friends or in public.

 

Men think and act differently than we do. And, if the man in question is a black man, things can get even more complicated. Despite their uniqueness, there are a few things that they all want from black women. They want our attention, support, and respect. They want us to hold them accountable, but without all the drama.