When Black Women Go White: The Response to Black Women Dating Interracially

The April edition of Ebony featured an article entitled “Scandalized by ‘Scandal’”. It discussed the backlash that the show was receiving from black men. It seems that some black men find it offensive that the show’s star, Olivia Pope, is dating a powerful white man-the president of the United States-Fitzgerald Grant. Pope has also been featured with Jack Ballard, another powerful white man. My question is: What seems to be the problem?

For years, our black men have dated and married white women. However, black women have not so readily embraced interracial dating. It is only in recent years that the black woman has begun to embrace her choices. For so long, we were loyal to our African-American brothers even though they felt no such ties to us. Only a few years ago, it seemed like almost every black man who played professional sports or who brought home a substantial income was sporting women who were not of color on his arms.

So, why did black stay faithful to black men so long? First, some black women were worried about what their friends and family will say. They worried about how their friends would react if they dated outside the black community. Second, as African-American women, we had been feed a bunch of bull about how white men were not as well-endowed as black men or that they were not as good in bed. Then, there was the cultural difference.

We have been taught that men of other races don’t find us attractive. We have been told that  we were too dark, that our butts were too large, and that our hair is not long enough or soft enough. And, let’s be honest. As black women, we obsess over our hair. As a result, we wondered how white men would react to their course tress as compared with white women.

Now that the walls are starting to come down, some black men are lashing out. But, why? There are so many single, black women out there that it only makes sense for black women to stop limiting themselves. The facts can’t be denied. There is a lack of available black men. Where are they? They are incarcerated, gay, or married to women who are not African-American.

I am not mad at Shonda Rhimes for creating a beautiful, powerful, intelligent black woman who happens to be involved with a Caucasian male. In fact, I applaud her for creating Olivia. I applaud her for letting the world know that a powerful, white man can actually love a black woman. So, to all those black men who are angry, I would just like to say-“Get over it.”

http://voices.yahoo.com/reason-more-black-women-dont-date-interracially-11929342.html
http://voices.yahoo.com/more-black-women-date-interracially-11643770.html

Five of My Favorite Articles about Spring on Yahoo Voices

5 Great Spring Articles on Yahoo Voices

As spring moves in, my mind moves toward the great outdoors and toward ways to quickly and effectively liven up my home. The following are five of my favorite articles about spring on Yahoo Voices.

Number 1: Spring Decorating Ideas Bring New Life to Your Kitchen by Jennifer Drake.

I love this spring article. It discusses the many ways to bring your kitchen to life as the weather warms up. This article recommends letting the sunshine in and changing out the dark colors in the kitchen. The article suggests using more delicate, airy alternatives to the heavy, dark curtains and coverings. Two even simpler suggestions were to place spring flowers in the kitchen or to use a plain bowl of fruit as a centerpiece on top of spring themed linens.

Number 2:  5 Ways to Bring Spring into Your Kitchen by Sally Albright

My second favorite spring article is by Sally Albright. This is another article that discusses ways to bring springtime into your kitchen. Of course, flowers are a great way to give your kitchen a pop of spring. Some spring flowers that are suggested in the article are tulips, daffodils, and roses. These can be placed in vases and strategically placed in your kitchen.

Live flowers are great, but they are not the only way to bring spring into the kitchen. Dried flowers are another ways to add life to the kitchen. Albright suggests tying dried flowers together and hanging them upside down in kitchen windows.

Citrus fruits such as lemons, limes, and oranges can also be placed in clear vases and displayed on counters or the kitchen table. Not only are these pretty, but they are also edible.

Number 3: 5 Ways to Bring Spring into Your Living Room by Sally Albright

My next favorite Yahoo spring article is also by Sally Albright. It discusses easy ways to change the face of your living room to fit the warm weather. Instead of sticking with those dark colors, she recommends lightening up your couch or sofa with decorative slipcovers. 

Another way she suggests to bring spring into your living room is by using removable wall border in spring print. She also recommends decorating the living room walls with spring themed wreathes. I especially love these ideas because they give me the ability to change the look of my living room without having to repaint my walls.

Number 4: How to Incorporate Silver into Your Spring Wardrobe by Lawanda Shields

I am a fashionsista. I love to read about fashion and style. This is one of my own articles, but I love it because I got to write about something I love-fashion. In this article, I discussed ways that silver can be worn even in warm weather. So, don’t feel confined to pastels for spring. Metallics can also be successful worn in spring, and this article discusses how.

Number 5: 5 Must Have Spring Fashion Trends for 2014 by Melissa Matters

This article is a newbie, but one that I like. Pastels are synonymous with spring, but that doesn’t you can’t wear classic foundation colors. This article discusses ways to incorporate black and white into a spring wardrobe. It discusses how to successfully wear metallics during the spring. It also discusses another hot spring trend for this year. That trend is the wide leg trouser. I love wide leg trousers, and they can be worn in every season.

Spring is one of my favorite times of the year. I love the longer days and warmer weather. The articles listed above are some of my favorites, and they help me to transition from winter to spring.

How Southern Women Really Dress: Not All Southern Women Wear Plaid

Southern Style

Project Runway is one of my favorite shows. I love watching the different designers compete against one another, and most of all, I love to see the beautiful fashions that they design for the runway. One of the season 12 episodes, they hosted a competition where they had to design a look for the modern southern woman. Ken Laurence, one of the competitors who was from Alabama, tried to tell the other competitors and the world that Southern women don’t just wear plaid. He stated that this was a stereotype. They did not listen. He did not win the competition. Other designers who cast us Southern gals in plaid won. Ken Laurence eventually lost and life moved on. End of story. Not so!

Ken Laurence was right. We don’t live in plaid. We are not the country hicks that people think we are. Yes, we enjoy beautiful fashions. No, we don’t wear a lot of couture outfits. It is true. We are somewhat conservative as a whole. But, we do like to wear modern styles and flaunt our stuff. So, for those of you who really want to know what southern style is, here it goes.

 

We like to wear our white dresses and skirts in the summer. We love bold colors just like everyone else. And, we do appreciate designer clothes and accessories.

I confess. I love classy designers like Isaac Mizrahi and Joan Rivers. I am a sucker for Dooney and Bourke purses. I confess. I do shop Avon and consignment shops. I don’t wear the big straw hats during the summer, but I do love to throw on a big, hat for Sundays. I love leather. This includes leather jackets, leather pants, and skirts. And, trust me. I melt when I can find it on sale.

My mother is definitely a fashionsista. You can’t beat her dressing. It doesn’t matter whether she is dressing for church, going to a quick brunch, or heading off to work in a pair of scrubs.

Okay, so I have thrown on a plaid shirt, a pair of blue jeans, and some cowboy boots. But, this is not an everyday occurrence. So, for those of you who do fashion or who make reality shows about fashion, don’t think just because we live in the South that we only like plaid. We don’t. We love a wide variety of styles and colors. No, we may not dress like Olivia Pope from ABC’s Scandal or walk like Naomi Campbell. Take a look at Kim from Kim of Queens. She is from Georgia, and she dresses like a modern southern woman.

How to Talk to an Attractive Woman

How to Approach the Woman of Your Dreams

You see her from across the room. You heart beats faster, and you are weak in the knees. This woman is gorgeous. So, what do you do? How do you make an introduction and start a conversation with this attractive woman?  Simple. Use the following steps and make a lasting impression on the girl of your dreams.

Confident

First, you will need to bring your “A” game.  Don’t head over to her and begin stuttering and staring. Instead, build up your confidence and then make a strong lasting impression. Think of the infamous James Bond. He is calm, cool, and collective. You should be the same when you approach your dream girl.

Watch the eyes

Next, watch her eyes. It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. And, in most cases, this is true. Before you approach this goddess of beauty, be sure to make eye contact with her. Her eyes will tell you what she is thinking. They can signal if she is annoyed, irritated, or just plain bored. They can also give you a good clue as to your chances. However, unless she looks downright disgusted with you, you may still give it a shot. Because most of people are visual creatures, she may judge you by your looks first. But, don’t despair if you don’t look like a Greek god. If you can be original, sincere, and confident, you may be able to win her over with your other attributes.

Be original

You know she’s beautiful, and chances are good that she does too. So, don’t waste your time telling her how good she looks. She has heard it before. I am not saying don’t ever compliment her, but what I am saying is don’t just walk up to her and say, “You know, you are a very attractive woman.” Trust me, this will get you nowhere. And, please, please don’t use one of those cheesy lines. This will make you look silly and destroy your chances with your dream girl. Instead, come up with an opener that is both original and interesting. If at all possible, find out what her interests are and use one of these topic as a way of starting a conversation.

Be sincere

Don’t use fake lines and fake compliments. Be sincere. Come up with an original introduction, and make sure that it is a sincere one. Don’t compliment her on her singing voice when you know she sounds awful. She will know that you are lying. It will also make her think that this is a pattern.

Be brief

Finally, be brief. Know when to walk away. Don’t let the conversation drag on. Remember, you want to give her something to think about. Leave her wanting more and not less of you. So, excuse yourself. If she is still interested, she will ask for your number or another way to contact you.

Talking to a beautiful woman can be intimidating. However, it can successfully be done using the tips above.

How to Stop Being Friends and Become Lovers

 

Help! I’m in Love with My Best Friend

Houston, we have a problem...The unbelievable has happened. You find yourself falling in love with your best friend. Yuck! Now, what? What can you do get your BFF (best friend forever) to stop seeing you as just a friend and start seeing you as a potential mate? It is not as hard as it may sound.

Law of Attraction

You already have things working in your favor. The two of you already have some things in common. This is why you are friends in the first place. Next, you and your best friend know a lot about each other. You are familiar with her likes and dislikes. You know what makes her happy and what irritates her. You know which guys turn your friend on. Use this to your advantage. Don’t change who you are but begin to exhibit more of the traits that your friend is attracted to.

Stop Being so Available

Okay, this may sound cruel, but it works. Stop being available to your friend all the time. If you want her to see you as more than one of the “girls”, you have to stop acting like one. Stop letting her cry on your shoulders all the time. Don’t totally cut her off, but stop listening to all those sad stories about the jerk that did her wrong. Begin to have life of your own. This will force her to stop viewing you as just another great friend.

Find a Date

This may sound weird, but this also works. Nothing can make a girl notice a guy faster than her seeing him with another girl. Sadly, this is true even for me. Sometimes, we don’t notice a good thing until someone else is walking around with it.

Flirt

Begin to flirt with your friend. No, don’t give her that cheesy line you give other girls. Remember, this is your best friend, and she has heard you use them on other girls. So, be subtle. Tell her how pretty she looks. Comment on her perfume. Make excuses to brush up against her. Touch her hair or her arm. Make more eye contact. Smile at her more often. Leave her little notes that say “Have a great day” or “Thinking about you”.  She should soon get the hint.

Confess

After you have begun flirting and a little time has passed, it is time to confess. Find a time when the two of you are alone and both comfortable. Then, tell her that you find her very attractive. See where this goes. Be prepared for her response. She may feel the same. She may need some time to think about it, or she may not want to be anything but friends. No matter what her response is, be willing to accept it.

Falling in love is natural. Although falling for your friend may seem strange, it is actually normal. So, use the tips above and move out of the friend zone and become lovers.

Why Won't He Make the First Move?!

 

He likes you. You know he does. He flirts with you and shows all the signs of wanting to be with you. However, he has not asked you out- yet. He hasn’t even asked for your phone number. Even if he has, he still hasn’t called. So, what is the problem? Why won’t he make the first move?

He is shy

He is too shy to initiate contact with you. Even though he would like to be with you, he is just too scared to make a move. If this is the case, you will have to be the one to initiate all contact until he is more comfortable with you.

You are out of his league

You can’t believe it. He likes you. You like him. You smile. He smiles. You “accidentally” brush up against him. He turns all red in the face. But, he won’t say a word. You know he is not shy. You are cute. You know you are. In fact, other guys are falling all over you. So, what is the problem? Sadly, if you are too popular, too cute, or too exciting, this guy may think that you are out of his league. Because you can have any other guy you want, he may feel that he doesn’t stand a chance. So, to keep his heart from being broken, he has decided to just watch from the sidelines.

Worried about his friends

Okay, so you are not considered to be all that popular. You are not a male magnate. However, you are a nice person, and some guys would even call you cute. Despite your shortcomings, he likes you. He goes out of his way to help you. And, when the two of you are alone, he jokes with you a lot. But, whenever other people are around, he only smiles. What is the deal? The deal is that he is afraid of what his friends will say. It doesn’t matter if he is seventeen or thirty, men do care what their friends think. Although he likes you, he still may not ask you out or talk to you for fear of what his friends may think. What should you do if you feel that this is the case? Move on. If he really likes you, he will stand up to his friends and fight for you.

He already has a girlfriend

The two of you have exchanged phone numbers. You have called him several times, and he sounds glad to hear from you. The two of you send sexy text messages like crazy. The problem is he hasn’t called you. You are doing all of the calling. He answers your texts, but you have to text him first. You don’t want to hear this. None of us do, and we all hope that it is not true. However, there is a strong possibility that your crush is already involved with someone else. This is not to say that he doesn’t like you. It simply means that he is already in a committed relationship, and he is not willing to let it go at the moment. So, how do you know? Simple. Ask him if he is dating someone. If he is really serious about his girlfriend, he will let you know that his is already involved.

Men have many different reasons for hesitating to initiate contact. However, the reasons listed above are some of the main ones.

How to Recover Your Friendship after Being "Friends with Benefits" Fails

 

So, you and your BFF (Best Friend Forever) decide to cross the line and become “Friends with Benefits”. Although things were great at first, the arrangement didn’t work out. One or both of you begin to have romantic feelings for the other one. And, as a result, things ended badly. So, now what do you do? How you recover from losing your lover and your best friend?

Give It Time

First, start by giving it some time. You have just suffered a major loss. You were betrayed by someone that you love. So, it is normal to grieve that loss. Think about it. This was someone that you trusted with your most intimate feelings and secrets. The two of you shared your dreams and your fears. The two of you also decided to share your bodies. Now, you have been left with a giant hole in your heart. Only time can heal these wounds.

Find an Outlet

Next, find a way to release those hurt feelings. You can take up journaling or writing in a dairy. Writing about your feelings will help you to heal over time. You can also start exercising. This will help to increase dopamine and serotonin (feel good hormones) in your blood. You can also explore new hobbies. These things will help to keep your mind off of your lost friendship. And, please, please, don’t jump into bed with another friend or lover just to stop the pain. This never works and can cause more trouble than it is worth.

Admit Your Mistakes

The next step to recovering your lost friendship is to admit your mistakes. Whether the rift was caused by you or your friend, you should evaluate what happened. Ask yourself what went wrong with your arrangement. If you can’t seem to figure out what happened, you may want to consult another friend for answers.

Rebuild Trust

Trust is built over time. So, it will take time to rebuild the trust that the two of you lost when your “Friends with Benefits” relationship failed. You can start by talking to each other about what happened, listening to the other person’s perspective of things, and offering any needed apologies. You may not be ready to resume your close friendship right now. So, be honest with your friend about this. Start small. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Put the Past Behind

You and your friends must agree to put the past behind you. At this point, you should have discussed all of the important issues. Let go of the past. Forgive each other and agree to move past your failed sexual relationship and back into your platonic friendship.

It is always risky trying to be “Friends with Benefits”. There are so many things that can go wrong, and too often those things do go wrong. Thankfully, you don’t have to lose your best friend forever. The suggestions listed above will help you move past the pain.

http://voices.yahoo.com/how-successfully-handle-break-up-11957066.html

http://www.livinghealthy360.com/index.php/ways-to-relax-without-turning-to-food-3194/

http://voices.yahoo.com/rebuilding-trust-relationship-5822624.html

http://exercise.about.com/cs/exercisehealth/a/depressin.htm