The Reason Some Black Women Don't Marry

 

Fewer people are getting married. Although the decline in marriage is true of all races, black women seem to be feeling the impact of this new trend the most. Why are more black women choosing not to marry? The following are some reasons why:

*Independence

Some women, whether Black or not, don’t marry because they don’t want to give up their independence.  Being single does have several perks. A single woman can go where she wants whenever she wants. She can go to bed when she wants to. She cooks when she feels like it.  Best of all, she can watch whatever she wants to on television and not have to give up some of her viewing time to watch football.

*Lack of Black Men

One of the main reasons black women aren’t married is because there is a lack of available black men. A large number of black men are in jail, gay, or dating outside of the race. African American men represent a high percentage of men in the criminal justice system. According to the Henry J. KAISER FAMILY Foundation, young black men are more than likely to be incarcerated than Hispanic men or white men. There is also a shortage of available black men in certain geographical areas. Black women who really want to marry have to look at interracial dating. Basically, eligible black men are becoming a rare commodity.

*Lack of a Financially Equal

As more and more African American women are moving up the financial ladder, they are looking for mates who can met or match their income levels. Black women are graduating from college at a higher rate than black men. Some black women are just not going to settle for a man who makes considerably less than they do.  As a result, they are choosing to remain single.

 *Too busy

Establishing a career can be exhausting.  So, instead of actively looking for a mate, some black women are opting to remain single and concentrate on their careers. It just doesn’t seem possible to juggle a successful career and a husband.

*Past Hurts

Some black women choose not to marry because they have been emotionally wounded.  They have experienced a hurt so deep that they feel like they have a lost a piece of themselves, and they just aren’t up to the challenge of trying it again.

In conclusion, as times are changing so are marriage trends. Black women no longer have to rely on a man for financial support or emotional support. They are paving their own way in society.  Whether it is because they are too busy, wounded from past relationships, or not willing to be unequally yoked, some black women are choosing not to marry.

Reasons I Celebrate Father's Day

 

Father’s Day is one of those holidays that most people then to overlook. Sure, they call dad and wish him a “Happy Father’s Day” and they buy him one of those corky gifts. Then, there are some people who don’t even give the holiday another thought. Although I didn’t used to give this holiday a lot of attention when I was young, I now realize that Father’s Day is just as important as Mother’s Day.

My biological father died over fourteen years ago. Although I loved my father, there were some time when we didn’t get along. There were even times when I became so angry with him that I almost hated him. In some ways, he negatively influenced the way I looked at men and relationships. It took me years to get over some of my anger and resentment. Don’t get me wrong. I loved my father and always will. It was only after he died that I realized just how much.

I was also fortunate enough to have a wonderful stepfather. Yes, there were times when I didn’t agree with him or his form of discipline. And, when I was young, I resent his presence in my mother’s life. I felt this way because I knew that I could get away with more with just my mother. My stepdad wasn’t going for any my antics.

It was after my father’s death that I realized how much I actually loved him. Despite all of the pain he had caused me, he was still my dad. There had been good time along with the bad times. I also came to the realization that he was only human. He had been just a man. And, as a flawed human being, he had done the best that he could with what he had. He was only trying to find his own piece of the American pie.

It was around this time that I realized just I was still blessed. Although my biological father had passed, I still had my stepdad. My stepdad had been a little rough around the edges to start with, but I know he loves me. My stepfather also loves my kids. To them, he was “Papa”, and Papa babysits on a regular basis. He does all of the handy work around my house, and he does all of the automotive work on my car. I don’t know what I would do with him.

My biological father has been dead for over 10 years now. At times, I still miss him. I miss his quick humor and his fun-loving ways. However, I am so thankful that I have my stepfather. Both of them hold a special place in my heart. Because of these two great men, I realize just how important Father’s Day is.

Best Break-up Songs

Best Songs to Listen to After a Break-Up

A broken heart takes time to heal. Crying is a great way to get rid of some of that pain and frustration. What better way to enjoy a good healthy cry than with a good break-up song? The following are some of  my favorite break-up songs to listen to:

*On My Own

This duet between Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald was released in 1986. This song was an instant hit. It tells of two lovers who have called it quits. Despite the agreed split, they are left mourning the loss of their relationship. And, like most lovers when the flames have burned out, they are left to ask “why did it end this way”.

*Total Eclipse of the Heart

This all time tear jerker was released in 1983 by Bonnie Tyler. This single became the singer’s greatest hit. Although the song doesn’t say that the couple has actually split, it does say that the singer is living in a state of total darkness. She says that she is tired of “listening to the sound of my tears”, and she even “gets a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by”.  These lyrics echo a grieving heart.

*White Flag

“White Flag” by Dido was released in September of 2003. The song is a part of her album “Life for Rent”. It tells the story of a woman that is determined not to give up on her relationship despite the mess that she had made of it. She declares that she “will go down with the ship…there will be not white flag above my door.”

*Better in Time

This sad song was released in March 2008. “Better in Time” is sung by Leona Lewis. It tells of someone who just can’t seem to forget their ex. The abandoned lover says that “it’s been the longest winter without you…See, somehow I can’t forget you.” This is definitely a song to play over and over again after a break-up because it reminds one that it will all get better in time.

*I’ll Always Love You

Whitney Houston’s “I’ll Always Love You” was released as part of the soundtrack to “The Bodyguard” in 1992.  This break-up song was originally written by Dolly Parton in 1973. In this melancholy song, the singer is deciding to walk away from the relationship. She wishes her ex well and declares that she will take “bittersweet memories” with her. It is one of the greatest break-up songs of all times.

Breaking up is never easy. Feeling lonely and sad are all a part of it. The songs listed above are some of the best break-up songs of all times.

How to Get Rid of Persistant Suitors

 

How to Handle Pushy Suitors

He has bought you flowers, called constantly, and pledged his undying love, but you are not interested. You have tried to drop hints, but he doesn’t seem to be taking them.  As a matter of fact, the whole thing is starting to get on your nerves. Push suitors can be annoying. So, how do you let them down without hurting their feelings?

Be upfront but kind

Tell him or her the truth.  Kindly let them know that you are just not interested in having a relationship with them.  Discourage any further gifts or annoying calls.  Saying, “I’m not interested right now,” will only give them the impression that there is a chance for them in the near future. If you don’t feel that this will happen, it is better to simply tell them that they are not your type and end it at that.

Remember to be firm

Some people take kindness for weakness.  Be firm when you say “no”.  Don’t give them the impression that calling you at a later time is okay.  Make sure they understand that you will not change your mind simply because they continue to send you gifts.  Of course, be nice, but make sure they know that “no” means “no”.

Let others know what is going on:

Hopefully, you are not dealing with a stalker, but some suitors feel free to invite themselves to your job and/or home. In this event, be sure to let your friends and family know what is going on.  It is scary to think that someone who has a crush on you could be dangerous, but it can happen. Be safe and take precautions. Let your friends help run interference. Try not to be caught off somewhere alone with this person.  Even if they are not dangerous, it is so easy to get talked into doing something you really don’t want to do. Having a friend or family member around can help you out of a tight spot.

Avoidance

If all else fails, avoid them. Don’t accept their gifts.  Don’t take calls from them.  If you need to, change up your routine. Take a different route to work. Shop at another store. Hopefully, after a short time, they will get the hint.

 Everyone likes a little attention but not when it comes from someone you are not interested in. Letting an unwanted, pushy suitor down easy can be tricky.  Play it safe by letting your friends and family know what is going. Be kind but firm.

Finding a Date in a Rural Area

 

Dating is Not Impossible Even in a Small Town

There are several great things about living in a rural area.  Nothing can beat the personal feel of knowing your neighbors or the wide open countryside.  What is not so great is trying to find a companion if you’re single. Living in a rural area can make finding a date challenging, but if you are creative, there are ways to do just that.

*Sporting Events

Men love sports.  It doesn’t matter where they live.  There are parks, clubs, and other places where there is always some type of game going on.  A smart woman knows that showing up at a basketball, baseball, or football game is in her best interest.  Dressing appropriately is common sense, but in order to find a date, it is important to wear something that will attract attention.  A woman must remember that most men actually came to the sporting event to watch the game, so she must wear something that will both fit in and stand out.

Sports events are also a place where men can meet single women.  Some women actually enjoy watching sports while other have children or family members who play. In rural areas, men who are looking for a dating companion can start their search at a sporting event.

*Volunteer Work

Doing volunteer work is another way to find a date in a rural area. The key is to strategically place one’s self where they are most likely to meet a companion. Women can volunteer at places like coal plants, hospitals, schools, police stations, or fire stations. Men can volunteer at schools, hospitals, or any other place where a lot of women work. By volunteering, a person can put their face out there. It’s amazing how many people you can meet by doing this.

*Church Events

Church events provide opportunities to meet other singles.  Some churches host ‘Singles’ Night’ where single Christians can meet.  Even without the designated ‘Singles’ Night’, there are always single people at church. The church picnic or dance is a great place to strike up a conversation with a person who has caught your interests.

*Go to the Movies

Not everyone brings a date to the movies.  Some people go alone because they don’t have a date or they really want to see the movie. In a rural area, going to the movies can provide another opportunity to meet other single people. 

*Friends

Most people have friends, and chances are those friends know other single people. If you let them know that you are looking for a date, they can help suggest other single people. They can also provide information about any potential dates. In a rural area, chances are good that one of your friends personally knows the person you might be interested in. They can find out if the other person might be interested in you.

*Internet

Thanks to the internet, the world is your oyster. You can connect to anyone anywhere.  There are a lot of dating websites that can help you find mates in your area.  Don’t hesitate to use this valuable resource.

*Malls

Shopping malls attract a large variety of people.  They provide a place to shop and a place to meet potential dates.  Make it a point to frequent the stores that cater to the type of person you are look for.  Shoe stores and sporting goods stores will attract men while lingerie stores like Victoria Secrets will attract women.  You can also stroll through department stores like JCPenney, Dillard’s, and Belk. Be sure to browse through the men’s or women’s departments.  Strike up a conversation with someone who interests you, and see how it goes.

Finding a date in a rural area can be challenging, but it is not impossible. It just takes some creativity and strategic thinking.

Warnings Your Relationship Could Be Ending

Everyone’s been there.  You have a major fight with your partner and you wonder is it over.  Maybe it wasn’t just this fight.  Maybe there have been several lately.  So, what are the signs that your relationship is over?  Here are some of the warning signs that your relationship is in trouble:

Resentment

You find yourself resenting the other person.  This can happen when you or your partner feels misunderstood or unappreciated.  Each member of a relationship needs to know that they matter.  Recognize that each of your dreams and goals are important. Try telling your partner what is wrong.  They may not even realize there is one. Constant criticism and resentment can kill any relationship.

Old issues keep resurfacing

You find that you are both arguing about the same things over and over again.  By not resolving the old issues, you have allowed resentment to set in.  Once an issue is discussed and dealt with, it should not be revisited.  Move on.  Relationships cannot grow without progress. Bring up dead issues will only kill the relationship.

Lack of intimacy

Sure, you may still be having sex, but are you intimate with each other?  Intimacy includes touching, hugging, and kissing.  These simple things are the glue that holds any relationship together.  When they are gone, beware. Your relationship is not far behind.

Sex life suddenly changes

Does having sex with your partner seem like a chore?  Maybe it’s the other way around, and they seem like they are avoiding having sex with you.  A lagging libido can signal serious trouble. Avoiding sex can be a result of resentment, an affair, or the fact that one of you has check out emotionally.  Don’t withhold sex as a form of punishment.  This will only cause more resentment and push them further away.

Lack of communication

Communication is the foundation of any relationship.  It is by talking that you learn what matters to each other. If all you’re doing is arguing, then you are not actively listening. Nothing is being resolved.  Silence is also deadly. If there is no communication at all, the relationship is doomed.  You have to talk to your partner in order to find out what is wrong and how to fix it. 

Sudden change in work schedule

Has your partner’s work schedule changed suddenly?  Are they working more or have longer work hours?  This could mean one of three things.  One, there is the possibility of an affair.  Two, they are avoiding spending time with you.  Three, they may actually have had a sudden change in their work schedule.  Either way, it does not hurt to be observant and watch for other signs that working late is not truly working late.

Jealousy

Just because your partner exhibits signs of jealousy, it doesn’t always mean they are in madly in love with you.  This is one sure sign of infidelity.  It can also signal that they have lost confidence in your relationship. 

Thinking about life without them

If you find yourself fantasizing about a life without your partner, you have already emotionally left the relationship. Whether you’re in a marriage or another type of partnership, there has to be an emotional investment.  Once that investment is gone, there is nothing left.

Relationships take time and effort.  Disagreements are normal. However, if you find yourself experiencing any of the above signs, take the time and do an evaluation of your relationship. Chances are it’s headed for trouble.

Signs He is Thinking of Breaking Up with You

 

Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Has your relationship changed lately?  Does your boyfriend seem cold or distant?  You have alos noticed that the two of you are spending less and less time together, and you are beginning to wonder if maybe this is the end.  You would like to work things out, but you don’t know if he feels the same.  How do you know if your boyfriend is thinking about breaking up the relationship?  Look for the following signs.

*Avoidance

One of the first signs that your boyfriend is thinking about calling it quits is that he is spending less and less time with you.  In fact, he is avoiding you.  He won’t take your calls, and he goes out of his way to avoid the places that he knows you will be.  Your boyfriend is avoiding you because he no longer enjoys your company, and he just hasn’t gotten around to telling you yet that is over.

*Old issues keep surfacing

In order for a relationship to progress, you have to deal with issues that come up.  However, once an issue is dealt with, it should not continue to be a cause of tension in your relationship.  If your boyfriend is constantly bringing up old issues, he has not moved past the issue or he is looking for a convenient excuse to end your relationship.

*Resentment

Whether he says anything or not, you can tell there is still a lot of left-over resentment.  How can you tell?  For one, he is avoiding looking at you.  Next, he seems annoyed whenever you talk to him.  Although he may not have said anything, he is probably still holding in angry feelings. When resentment is unresolved, the relationship is in death throes.

*Affair

Your boyfriend suddenly starts putting in longer hours at work, and you may notice that he has become very secretive. He makes excuses to take calls in the other room.  You find strange numbers on his cell phone, and he won’t give you an explanation.  You question him about his new work habits or strange phone calls at odd hours, and he becomes angry and refuses to talk.  These are all the signs of an affair.  Although affairs can be worked through, they are a sign that something is wrong with the relationship, and he could have already picked out your replacement.

*Don’t talk anymore

The more a couple communicates the better their relationship is.  They are able to discuss any problems or other issues that may come up.  If you and your boyfriend have stopped talking look out. The end is near.  

*No intimacy

Your boyfriend no longer wants to be intimate. Intimacy is not always about sex.  It’s about spending time together and sharing. This emotional bonding is the glue that holds all relationships together. As human beings, people need to connect with one another.  If your boyfriend is not connecting with you, he is probably connecting emotionally with someone else.

*Decreased sex drive

Sex, like intimacy, is an important part of your relationship.  If he no longer wants to have sex with you, chances are good that he has found someone else to take care of that need for him.  Maybe you are still enjoying a decent sex life; however, you sense that something is not quite right.  He is physically with you, but emotionally distant. This can signal an affair and that your boyfriend is preparing to break-up with you. 

It is very rare that a break-up comes out of the blue.  Most of the time, the person doing the breaking-up has been thinking about it for a while, and if you are truly honest with yourself, there were warnings signs.  If your boyfriend is displaying any of the signs above, chances are he is planning on breaking-up with you. So, put on a brave face and have a heart to heart conversation with your boyfriend.